- Lois Griffin: Oh my god, I've made a terrible mistake! I've been brainwashed like Elizabeth Smart.
- Elizabeth Smart's father: [talking to reporters while Elizabeth plays music in the background] It's so wonderful having her home again. She's brought music back into the house, playing songs on the Harp... of course most them are about rape, but it's still nice.
- Doctor: Sir I think you should know, these growths on your forearms... they're giant tumors.
- Popeye: Habubababa oh dear.
- Doctor: Yea I'm surprised you haven't realized this is not how a human being is supposed to look.
- Popeye: Habububah.
- Doctor: And the speech thing and what your doing with your eye
- [sigh]
- Doctor: ... uh you had a stroke about seven years ago.
- Popeye: Haksinfbusddsububh.
- Doctor: That you've managed to be walking around all this time is nothing short of a miracle.
- Popeye: Habaubaskbuahsk.
- Doctor: I'd say about two months.
- Stewie Griffin: Hey, McButt the Crime Dog, I heard you and your little chew toy getting it on last night, keep it down.
- Jasper: Sorry, little man. Ricardo and I were playing Clue, and he got me in the bedroom with the lead pipe.
- Peter Griffin: I love having visitors. Except for that time Moby Dick came to stay with us.
- [Cut to the Griffin kitchen. Peter and Moby Dick are sitting across from each other]
- Moby Dick: Do you have any Raisin Bran?
- Peter Griffin: Uh, no. Sorry, we don't.
- Moby Dick: Oh. Well, could you maybe get me some?
- Peter Griffin: Oh, geez, that's kind of a pain in the... You know, we have Total, and we have some raisins. You could mix them together, that would be kind of like...
- Moby Dick: Yeah, it would be like Raisin Bran, but it wouldn't really be Raisin Bran...
- Peter Griffin: ...Kinda splittin' hairs here...
- Moby Dick: ...Not really doing it for me.
- Peter Griffin: What time did you say your flight was again?
- Mort Goldman: I don't like that statue, and I don't like the contraction 'apostrophe E-M'. As far as I'm concerned, his name is Dig Them. You're not welcome here, Dig Them!
- Chris Griffin: I think I made Brian crazy. Maybe I shouldn't have burned that petition.
- Alyssa: Oh, no. Chris, you did the right thing. It's only a matter of time before Mayor West signs that bill, and you'll get to touch these.
- [indicates her breasts]
- Chris Griffin: Oh, boy. I gotta feeling that before the end of the day, I'm gonna be burying my dog.
- Alyssa: Whoa, whoa. I said you could touch my boobs, let's start with that.
- Jasper: [exiting the terminal into the airport towards the Griffins, speaking effeminately] Hey, cousin!
- Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
- Jasper: [introducing his Filipino partner, Ricardo] Everybody, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
- Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
- Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker, sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!
- Jasper: [campily motions talking on a cellphone]
- Jasper: Hello, who's that on the phone?-Temptation!... how does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you over dinner: Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend-Oo-hoh, I'm terrible!
- Jasper: Lois, darling, those earrings are delicious: total kitsch, like an Andy Warhol wet-dream. I'm opening a museum and putting you in it, they're that fabulous!
- Stewie Griffin: You think it's clever talking like that, do you? You think it's funny: talking about earrings and using words like 'fabulous' and 'delicious' and 'wet'? Uch!-what's next: a workout followed by a romp around a crowded room whilst the music goes...
- [makes the sound of a heavy bass beat similar to dance music, whilst Jasper and Ricardo dance in the background: they look confused when Stewie stops the beat]
- Stewie Griffin: ?
- Jasper: Oh, why d'you stop?
- Noah: Hey!
- Elephant: Yeah?
- Noah: [points to a penguin/elephant hybrid] What the hell is this?
- Elephant: Oh, you didn't really give us any specific guidelines about mating.
- Noah: Did you name it?
- Elephant: What?
- Noah: Did you name it?
- Elephant: Uh, yeah. He's Paul.
- Noah: Yeah? Well, it's gonna be a lot harder for you now, because he's going the fuck overboard!
- Jasper: [entering terminal with Ricardo, calling to Brian effeminately] Hey, cousin!
- Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
- Jasper: [motions to Ricardo, his Filipino partner] Everyone, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
- Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
- Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!
- [makes telephone gesture, speaks camply]
- Jasper: Hello, whose that on the phone?-Temptation! How does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you all at dinner. Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend:
- [laughs]
- Jasper: Ooh hoh, I'm terrible!
- John Herbert: [to Brian after asking him to sign his gay marriage petition offscreen] You get off my property, you pervert!