- Gabrielle and Carlos finally learn the truth about Ellie's "work" and they also discover the police are already onto Ellie and her drug-selling ring and have been staking out the Solis home for some time and want to use the Solises to arrest Ellie in a sting operation. Meanwhile, Bree declares an all-out war against Edie after learning that she's now after Orson for her latest man conquest. But when Edie does something shocking involving Orson who makes the mistake of revealing the origins of Bree's baby Benjamin, Bree is forced to come clean to the rest of the housewives the secret about "her" baby and this leads to the end of Edie's time on Wisteria Lane. Adele Delfino, Susan's overbearing and meddlesome Southern Belle mother-in-law, arrives for a visit. Elsewhere, Katherine continues to try to persuade Dylan that her ex-husband, Wayne, is not who he claims to be and she reveals a surprising twist to him about Dylan. Also, Tom tries to persuade Lynette to give Kayla another chance to respect her, but Lynette soon regrets it.—Anonymous
- "Desperate Housewives" - "Mother Said" - May 11, 2008
Previously On: The Solis' new tenant Ellie is a drug dealer; Wayne's return meant trouble for Katherine and Dylan; Lynette tried to warn Tom about Kayla; Bree saw Edie kiss Orson.
Mary-Alice tells us that "the incident" as it would come to be known happened late on a Tuesday afternoon. The witnesses were an old woman (Mrs. McCluskey clipping her hedges), a blind man, (Carlos Solis sitting on his porch), and a little boy (the oldest Scavo spawn, hidden in his yard behind the bushes). McCluskey, who is hard of hearing, sees Edie and Bree's angry body language. Carlos, whose hearing has become more keen, hears Edie and Bree argue about what Bree saw Edie do with Orson and Edie deny any interest, and Parker hears Edie call Bree a bitch. And then Carlos hears, and McCluskey and Porter see, Bree slap Edie. Mary Alice tells us "The battle lines had been drawn and someone was going to get hurt."
Quick Credits
We see a calendar with Mother's Day circled as Mary Alice tells us what happens: Children purchase tasteful bouquets (Andrew arranging flowers for Bree); sign sentimental cards (Dylan doing just that for Katherine); and create homemade joys (Porter and Preston painting what look like napkin rings for Lynette); all meant to honor that woman known simply as mom (as Mike extends his hand to his visiting mother Adele, played by Celia Weston).
They hug as she gets out of a cab. She then goes to hug Susan and calls her, in a Southern accent, the prettiest thing and says she's taken with her. She has brought Susan a present. It's a homemade recipe book. She says some of the recipes date back before "the war of northern aggression." Julie asks quizzically, "you mean the civil war?" She replies "I mean what I mean." Susan explains that she doesn't cook. Adele says she's going to teach her how to make 'em. Seems Adele's grandma always told her that old saw about being a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. Susan is uncomfortably grateful. Michael has told Adele that Susan only has one of those covered so she's going to help her with the other two.
The kids, Porter, Parker, Preston, and Kayla run into the Scavo house, there's a doctor in the house whom is a child's psychiatrist. The kids, especially Kayla, are confused. He explains it's his job to figure out what's causing the recent problems. The kids all run upstairs to play games but Kayla eavesdrops on the stairs as Lynette tells the doctor that Kayla is the one he should focus on. The doctor wants to look at the big picture. Lynette keeps blaming Kayla for all the problems the family is facing and tells the doctor to tell her to stop being so evil. Cue (but very crafty) Kayla walks down the stairs and gives Lynette a hug and hands her a drawing she made for her at school. Lynette mouths over her shoulder "she never does this."
Carlos and Gaby are sitting down to dinner but Gaby tells him to wait for Ellie who is finishing up with a customer. He says "well maybe when she's done tattooing him she can put 'stop hitting the blind guy on the forehead.'" Gaby says she's hitting him so much less these days. They both agree they're getting along better because of Ellie, who's all helpful and whatnot around the house. Ellie finishes up a deal. The guy thinks he should sneak out the back but Ellie says her landlady is cool. He can't believe the Solis' know she's a dealer. Ellie says they're not that cool. They come downstairs and Gaby asks to see the guy's tattoo. Ellie tells her the tattoo is "down south." He says it doesn't hurt because Ellie gave him something for the pain.
Meanwhile, Edie is showing the vacant Young house to a couple with a baby. Bree goes and says "hi" to the wife who stays outside with the baby while the husband goes in. Bree prepares to talk smack about Edie to the wife.
In the Mayfair house, Dylan slams down a house listing she found in the printer in front of Katherine. She's upset because the house is in Baltimore. Katherine talks up the pool and the garden. She tells Dylan she's doing this to protect them because Wayne's "I've changed, I'm a good guy now" routine is just an act that she can't see through yet. Katherine says Wayne's only back because he wants something and they're not safe with him around. Dylan claims he's back because he loves her. Katherine says she found out the hard way that he's not capable of love. Dylan tells Katherine she's staying here with her father, and that Katherine can move if she likes.
Edie is chasing after her clients asking what happened as they get in the car. The wife says they need another realtor. She sees Bree smiling at her victoriously from her walkway. Edie is not amused over this defeat.
Susan is in the kitchen with her overbearing mother-in-law who is telling her that biscuits are the foundation of a southern meal. Adele tells her to call her Mama or she's going to scream. Susan acquiesces. Susan has none of the utensils that Adele thinks they need (flour sifter, pastry cutter etc.) Adele says they'll improvise and begins talking about how happy Michael is going to be when Susan makes these cherished favorite recipes for him. Susan talks up the local Chinese food take out place. Adele laments how hard Mike has to work because of their money troubles. Susan is a little surprised Adele knows this and says they're getting past it. Adele says this is only because Mike works so hard and says it wouldn't hurt for Susan to get a job. Susan protests she has a job. Adele says "oh you mean your little drawings? It's great for a woman to have a hobby, personally I decoupage but I'm talkling about something that pays!" Susan says children's books pay. Adele asks how much. Susan tries to change the subject. Adele apologizes for insulting her. Susan lets her off the hook.
The doctor has called in Tom and Lynette into his office to ask them a few questions. Lynette is curious since she assumed the doctor would need to see Kayla a few more times. He asks Lynette if she loves Kayla. She says "sure" and notes that she's been very good to her. Tom points out that wasn't his question. He asks again. Lynette says of course she does, as much as she can given the complicated way she joined the family. The doctor says the problem is that Kayla has picked up on Lynette's ambivalence and has become very angry recently. Tom asks what they should do about Kayla's behavior. Since they missed infant-mother bonding, the doctor advocates attachment parenting therapy where Kayla is beside Lynette as often as possible. Lynette is not happy about it. But, Tom thinks its great. She tells the doctor to ask her if she loves Tom right now.
Orson shows up at Bree's door asking to take Benjamin for a few hours. She says it's a bad time. He says it's always a bad time and he wants to take his son to the carnival. Bree suggests an alternative: "Why don't you take him to Edie's house and he can watch you give her a dental exam with your tongue." Orson tries to explain what actually happened, that he pushed her away and asks to put it behind them. Bree says she doesn't want Benjamin to witness Orson's chronic delayed morality. Orson says Benjamin is his son too. Bree begs to differ pointing out that he's not even related to him. He threatens to hire a lawyer. She's already hired one and he'll be hearing from him. And, she points out that if he's looking for a carnival to go see Edie, "I hear you get three throws for a dollar with her too." Me-ow!
Ellie is taking Carlos for a hike in the woods. And as Carlos points out, unlike some people Ellie doesn't let the branches hit him in the face. The smoke alarm goes off in Ellie's room and Gaby tries to grab Ellie and Carlos but they're gone. She grabs the key and goes in and discovers Ellie left incense burning. She also discovers - after dropping the alarm battery under the bed- that Ellie is not a tattoo artist but that she is familiar with needlework.
Elsewhere, Wayne is hanging with Dylan outside the Mayfair house as Katherine is taking out the trash. Dylan announces that Wayne is coming to her recital next week. He offers to give Katherine a ride. She declines and asks for some privacy with Wayne from Dylan. Katherine makes it clear there will be no family outings. Wayne claims to still love her, as well as admit he's somewhat to blame for their problems, and forgives her for kidnapping Dylan. He says the least she can do is meet him halfway. She pretends to be touched and says she doesn't deserve his forgiveness. Wayne thinks they could still be happy. Katherine says that Dylan doesn't see how given all of those men she was with when they were married. Again she is baiting him to physically hit her. He doesn't take it. She says she tricked him into thinking Dylan was his. He doesn't believe her. She wonders if he'll still forgive her. He advances toward her and Katherine makes a point to yell a "hello" to McCluskey, who bewilderedly waves back. Wayne wonders if he isn't Dylan's father, "who is?" Katherine asks whether it matters and goes back in the house with a triumphant assumption that she won't be seeing him at the recital now. Wayne thinks quickly and grabs a part of the chewing gum Dylan just discarded. Off to the DNA-mobile!
Carlos is asking Gaby if she's sure it was cocaine. She replies, "Carlos I was a fashion model in the '90s, I know cocaine." Carlos goes to call the police. Gaby grabs the phone and says they should hear Ellie's side of the story. Carlos imagines that tune goes a little something like this: Selling drugs brings in more money than waiting tables. Now Gaby thinks maybe Ellie is a pastry chef. Carlos points out that as a convictd felon on probation harboring a fugitive is on the no-no list. He says they have to turn her in. Gaby gives him the phone.
Orson is on the phone with a lawyer about getting custody of Benjamin saying he's written down all the pertinent facts and that he will meet him in an hour. He puts down his file 'o facts and goes to hop in the shower. Edie arrives at his apartment and after getting no answer to her knock, enters. She yells at him to get out of the shower since that "puritanical robot bitch" of his is sabotaging her business. Orson promises to be right out. Edie picks up the file 'o facts and learns the sordid details about Bree's new baby. With ammunition in hand Edie tells Orson to forget it and to take a nice long shower.
In a detective's office the Solis' are telling their story about Ellie. The detective thanks them. Carlos wants to know when they're getting Ellie out of their house. The detective says it's more complicated and calls in a colleague. It's the guy who was Ellie's most recent client. Turns out he's Detective Bullock, he's been working undercover. They've been tracking her for several months. They're trying to get to the bigger fish so they're going to let her keep dealing hoping to nail Ellie's supplier. Gaby and Carlos are freaked out about having to trick Ellie by pretending nothing is wrong. They offer to absolve Carlos of his probation if they play along.
Bree opens her door to a gloating Edie. Edie reveals to Bree that she knows that her nephew Austin is Benjamin's biological father. (Making Edie his great aunt, a term she isn't crazy about but says its better than grandma). She tells Bree how she found out. A now trembling Bree asks Edie to keep her secret to save the Hodge/Van de Kamp camp from humiliation and scandal. Edie points out that since she owns Bree right now she has no interest in word getting out. Bree would like a definition of "own." Edie says "from this moment on I am your best friend, you're going to invite me to all of your fancy parties, set me up with all of your single friends and if I'm ever in the mood for muffins you're going to make them for me." She also says if she neglects giving her the love for one second, Edie will bury her. Bree can do nothing but agree..... or can she?
We see a troubled Bree arrive at the Scavo house for poker. She spills to the girls. (Offscreen).
Wow, DNA results come back pronto in Fairview. A flirty tech has the results for Wayne. He claims he wanted to make sure his "suspect" wasn't related to his "victim." Turns out, to Waynes dismay, they're not. Katherine was actually not bluffing.
The women are freaked out at Bree's news that baby Benjamin is actually the offspring of Danielle and Edie's nephew Austin. Gaby is aghast that Edie wanted to blackmail Bree with the info. Lynette calls Bree the best mom ever for wanting to protect Danielle. Susan can't believe Edie made a play for Orson. Gaby points out the only man she hasn't gone after is Tom. Lynette says Edie's out of control. They ask what she'll do. Lynette says "no, what are we going to do?" They walk en masse to Edie's house. Edie sees the posse coming from her front window and meets them out front.
Bree tells Edie that they all know. Lynette tells her to kiss her blackmail scheme goodbye. Edie tries to explain why she was doing it. Gaby says she was doing it because she's the devil. Edie tells them to yell at her and get it over with. Susan explains it's not like all the other times, they're officially done with her. They're shunning her. Edie apologizes to their departing backs saying she knows she crossed a line this time. They ignore her.
Wayne is watching an old home video of Dylan and her bicycle, she's showing him some stitches on her arm. (The girl in this video is old enough to have not forgotten what her dad looks like no matter how much time has passed.) He's drinking a bunch of crummy beer and getting angry. He calls Dylan and asks her to come over the next day, which is mother's day.
Lynette and Kayla are shopping for clothes. Kayla picks a dress but Lynette balks at the price. Kayla is all Veruca Salt, "but I want it," and points out that Lynette asked her to go shopping. Lynette points out that they're supposed to be spending time together not going into debt. Kayla picks up on the "supposed to" and asks if the doctor is making Lynette do this. Lynette lies saying she just wants Kayla to have fun. Kayla says to buy her the dress then.
Mike and Susan are out with Mama Adele, who's just ordered an old-fashioned. Mike is yawning. Mama wonders how he gets any sleep what with Susan's snoring, which Mike has complained about. Mike says he's come to love it. Mama reveals that Mike has told her that Susan sleeps in the nude. When she goes to powder her nose Susan tells Mike to stop complaining to his mother about her. He says he doesn't complain. She points that as the "nude snoring whore" he can see how she might think so. He says he just vents and that Mama is only trying to help. Susan tells Mike to defend her. When Mama returns she is amazed that such a busy restaurant can keep its bathroom cleaner than Susan's. Susan grabs Mike's hand and he tells Mama that thats not so nice. Adele offers to stay a few extra weeks to teach Susan how to spruce the house up. She promises to leave when the baby comes.
Everything starts to go in slo-mo as we hear Susan's heart beat and Mama talk about washing the walls. Susan grabs her water glass and pours it on her leg and jumps up saying her water broke. Susan fakes contractions and starts yelling. Outside the restaurant Mike asks how close the contractions are, Susan replies "a few weeks apart, want to go to the movies?" He is not amused at the truth but promises to talk to Mama.
Back at the mall, Kayla has racked up quite a shopping spree and is now demanding a corn dog even though it's almost dinner time. Lynette offers her something healthy for the car ride. Kayla bitches for a corn dog again and asks why she can't have one. Lynette responds it's the way she's acting and asks her not to ruin the nice time they've been having. Kayla promises that they'll keep having a nice time if she gets what she wants. Lynette asks if she's threatening her. With a wicked smile, Kayla points out that she got that "idiot Preston" to jump off the roof, she wonders what she could get little Penny to do. Lynette slaps her and immediately regrets it, not only because it was wrong but because everyone in the store saw her do it. She apologizes but says that what Kayla said was horrible. Kayla's evil ploy to make Lynette look like the bad guy has apparently worked.
In the Delfino-Mayer kitchen Mama asks about Susan's false labor and wonders why her water broke. Susan says she spilled some club soda. Mama says "no surprise there, Michael told me what a klutzy Kathy you are." She's grateful he finds it cute since she doesn't have the patience. Mike walks in as she says this and Susan gives him a look. He asks her not to be so honest in the way she talks to people. Susan starts going into labor for real and Mike speeds it up saying Mama has to stop taking potshots at Susan because she's his wife and he loves her. Adele apologizes. They go to the hospital.
The Scavo kids and Tom surprise Lynette with breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. Kayla is notably absent. Tom says Katya's still pretty upset about the incident at the mall, and says he doesn't want to talk about it or he'll get angry at Lynette again. Lynette apologizes, but says that if Tom had heard what she said. He points out that she's just a little girl and now, thanks to Lynette, she's a frightened little girl. Tom continues to be in denial that Kayla is a sociopath and planning to drive the Scavo family apart.
Lynette's suspicions about Kayla are correct. In her bedroom room, Kayla is on the phone to the doctor claiming (actually play-acting) she doesn't feel safe and that Lynette has been abusing her for weeks now.
Dylan is at her dad's house, it's a mess, and he's drunk. Dylan wants to know why he's upset. He grabs her arm as he tries to explain and notices that she has no scar from the stitches we saw earlier in the home video. (This would explain why Dylan didn't recognize him). He grabs her other arm hard and she asks what's the matter. He realizes she's not the same child and screams at her to get out. Dylan is upset.
At the Solis house, they call Ellie down to lunch and Gaby is freaked out about treating her normally. Ellie has brought Gaby flowers for Mother's Day since Gaby treats Ellie better than her own mother did. Gaby is touched. Ellie hugs her.
Edie is going to visit her son, Travers, and says she'll be spending a lot more time with him from now on. Edie looks wistfully down Wisteria Lane for apparently one last time.
Mary Alice returns to tell us about mother's day and how we celebrate the women who give us life and so much more (as we see the boys surrounding Lynette who is holding her new pet turtle); the ones who protect us at all costs (as we see Bree and Benjamin); who have the courage to fight those who would do us harm (as we see Katherine hugging a crying Dylan); who put our happiness ahead of their own (as we see Mike, in scrubs, and Mama hug); but mostly we celebrate a mother's love which is constant, eternal and there from the very beginning (as we Susan with her new baby).
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