- Daniel Meade: Why are you so strong? What did they give you superstrength when they installed your vagina?
- Daniel Meade: Mom, didn't Dad used to call me 'My Daniel'?
- Alexis Meade: Maybe he called you 'My Dumbass'!
- Amanda Tanen: You wait Pepper. You're gonna taste the wraith of my dog's vengeance.
- Nick Pepper: You don't even know what "wraith" means.
- Amanda Tanen: So. I know you'll taste it.
- Betty Suarez: Shut up! I so want to see this movie. I love romantic comedies.
- Christina McKinney: And I love James Marsden. I wanna bake him naked and eat him for dessert.
- Wilhelmina Slater: Why aren't they working?
- Marc St. James: Willy, a word. It's not that anyone minds being abused, it's just that they thought and I don't know where they got this that they are being paid to be abused.
- Marc St. James: Well, then we change your image. Come on, it's the media age, we can do it over night .Britney Spears shaves something or shows something or shows something shaved and it's around the world in seconds. Trust me, lady, I can make you Mother Teresa with better boobs.
- Wilhelmina Slater: Well, that's why you're beloved - you're loyal to your fans.
- Betty White: Oh, well, I adore 'em... Except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur.
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: It's interesting, you only call me when you need something. When was the last time you've been down to my deli and bought a sandwich?
- Betty Suarez: Well, Gio, that's because every time I come in you tell, 'There she is: the eater!'
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: It's cute! It's our thing!
- Betty Suarez: Every weekend we have a themed topping. Last week we were watching Walk the Line, you know about Johnny Cash, so he topped up cashews. It was fun!
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: And did you eat it with a Reese Wither-spoon?
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: Well, if I loved a girl, and I knew I had so little time left with her, then every night would be a chance to make a memory. Believe me, if there was any ice cream involved, I would be eating it off her stomach.
- Hilda Suarez: Sexy!
- Betty Suarez: Gross!
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: I'd take her out to Montauk, with a bottle of wine, and we'd build a fire and sleep on the beach. Or maybe we'd climb the fire escape to the rooftop of The Blue Note and listen to music. Or maybe we'd just go out dancing. 'Cause you never feel closer to a woman than when you're holding her, ya know? So close you can feel her breath on your neck.
- [pause]
- Giovanni 'Gio' Rossi: Because love doesn't come around often and I'd want to make every second count.