The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Luminous Fish Effect (2007)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sheldon : I'm not going to apologize. I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

  Mary : [Firmly]  Now you listen here, I have been telling you since you were four years old, it's okay to be smarter than everybody else, but you can't go around pointing it out.

  Sheldon : Why?

  Mary : [All but yelling]  Because people don't like it! Remember all the ass-kickings you got from the neighbor kids?

  [Drops a pair of shoes down] 

  Mary : Now let's get crackin'! Shower, shirt, shoes, and let's shove off!

• Sheldon : I can't believe he fired me.

  Leonard : Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.

  Sheldon : In my defense, I prefaced that by saying, "with all due respect."

• Penny : How come you didn't go into work today?

  Sheldon : I'm taking a sabbatical, because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.

  Penny : So you got canned, huh?

  Sheldon : Theoretical physicists do not get canned... but, yeah.

• Sheldon : [reluctantly apologizing to Dr. Gablehauser]  As you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter, we may have gotten off on the wrong foot when I called you an idiot. And I just wanted to say that I was wrong... to point it out.

• Mary : [Laying out a pair of pants]  You put those on.

  Sheldon : What for?

  Mary : Because you're going to go down to your office, you're going to apologise to your boss and get your job back.

  Sheldon : No.

  Mary : I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words "If it pleases your highness"?

• Sheldon : Mom, what are you doing here?

  Mary : Leonard called me.

  Sheldon : I know, but why?

  Leonard : Because one of the great minds of the 21st Century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving serapes.

  Sheldon : This is not a serape. This is a poncho! A serape is open to the sides, a poncho is closed, this is a poncho! And neither is a reason to call someone's mother!

• [first lines] 

  Sheldon : You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.

  Leonard : Why? Did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?

  Sheldon : Put it on the back burner. Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine I would just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

  Leonard : Interesting.

  Sheldon : Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.

• Leonard : Here comes our new boss. Be polite.

  Dr. Eric Gablehauser : [approaching]  Hi, fellas. Eric Gablehauser.

  Howard Wolowitz : [shaking hands]  Howard Wolowitz.

  Dr. Eric Gablehauser : Howard. Nice to meet you.

  [turning to Sheldon] 

  Dr. Eric Gablehauser : And you are?

  Sheldon : [shaking hands]  An actual real scientist.

  [turning to Leonard] 

  Sheldon : How was that?

• Mary : Honey, why did you get a loom?

  Sheldon : I was working with luminous fish and I thought... hey. Loom.

• Leonard : Howard brought a date?

  Sheldon : A plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an incredible leap forward.

• Leonard : Hey, how did it go?

  Sheldon : I got my job back.

  Leonard : Really? What happened?

  Sheldon : I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.

  Leonard : That narrows it down.

• Leonard : So... fish.

  Sheldon : I read an article about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals and I thought, hey, fish night lights.

• Sheldon : The thing about tomatoes - and I think you'll really enjoy this - is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.

  Penny : Mm, interesting.

  Sheldon : Isn't it?

  Penny : No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

• [last lines] 

  Mary : [tucking Sheldon into bed]  I'm very proud of you, honey; you showed a lot of courage today.

  Sheldon : Thanks, Mom.

  [she starts to leave] 

  Sheldon : Mom.

  Mary : Mm-hm?

  Sheldon : Is Dr. Gablehauser going to be my new daddy?

  Mary : We'll see. Sleep tight.

• Penny : When one door closes another one opens.

  Sheldon : No it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved.

• Sheldon : There's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much. What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

• Sheldon : There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk. For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one-month supply at a time.

  Penny : What?

  Sheldon : Think about it. It's a product that doesn't spoil and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.

  Penny : You want me to buy 30 years worth of tampons?

  Sheldon : Well, 30, 35... When did your mother go into menopause?

  Penny : I'm not talking about this with you.

  Sheldon : This is a natural human process, and we're talking about statistically significant savings. Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28-day cycle... Are you fairly regular?

• Mary : You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water?

  Sheldon : Yes.

  Mary : [Opens Sheldon's wardrobe and starts to get his clothes out]  Well, I'm done fishing.

• Sheldon : The last department party, Professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.

  Leonard : Yes, I was there.

  Sheldon : Do you know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?

  Leonard : What?

  Sheldon : Nothing.

• Sheldon Cooper : Let me do the math for you. This car weighs, lest say 4000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you.

  Penny : 120?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?

  Penny : Well, yeah.

• Sheldon Cooper : How's this: Pleased to meet you, Dr. Gablehauser. How fortunate for you that the University's chosen to hire you despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years and instead have written a series of popular books that reduced the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement... mahalo.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Mahalo's a nice touch.

• Leonard Hofstadter : What happened to your scrambled egg research?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that was a dead end. Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be.

• Leonard : [He and an older woman come upstairs]  Thanks for coming on such short notice.

  Mary : [Quietly]  You did the right thing calling.

  Leonard : I didn't know what to do. He's lost all focus. Every day he's got a new obsession.

  [They enter the apartment and see Sheldon at work at a loom] 

  Leonard : This is a particularly disturbing one.

  Sheldon : [He turns around on that and is shocked to see her]  Mommy?

  Mary : [Walks up and hugs him]  Hi baby!

  [as she does, Sheldon looks at Leonard and mouths, "You called my mother?" to which Leonard has a guilt look on his face] 

• Mary Cooper : That looks awful fancy. What is that?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon-based life form.

  Sheldon Cooper : But intelligently designed by a creator, right?