- [after Bah Bah rescued Stan from being trapped in his own home because Mr. Dawson refuses to bail him out and arrogantly abandons him with his wife]
- Stan Smith: Why did you cut her out of the will and leave everything to Gwen?
- Bah Bah: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She failed math in school. Imagine, Chinese girl can't do math?
- Stan Smith: It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
- Klaus: Stan, these people are monsters! You know what my country's done and even I find this repulsive.
- Francine Smith: You were right, Stan. I want to meet my real parents.
- Stan Smith: Don't worry, honey. I'll find them, no matter how long it takes. They'll be here at 6:00.
- Francine Smith: Oh, my God! Our house!
- Stan Smith: Nothing to worry about. Just your average greasy Chinese duck fire.
- Francine Smith: Is everyone okay? Steve? Hayley? Roger?
- Stan Smith: Everyone's fine.
- Francine Smith: [sees Klaus] Oh, and... and Klaus. Is Klaus okay? He's the only one I really care about.
- Klaus: [with angry despair] Too late, Francine. Too fucking late.
- Francine Smith: Hayley, your cold sore is leaking into the mashed potatoes.
- Hayley: That's the last time I use a lipstick I found on the bus.
- Francine Smith: No one's buying that, honey.