- Sheldon: So! This is engineering, huh?
- Howard Wolowitz: [on phone] I'll talk to you later.
- Sheldon: Engineering, where the noble semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa Loompas of science!
- Raj Koothrappali: Do you know what he did? He watched me work for ten minutes, and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Is that even possible?
- Raj Koothrappali: As it turns out, yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: While Mr. Kim, by virtue of his youth and naiveté, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to... you know, that other guy.
- Howard Wolowitz: Antonio Salieri?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, God! Now even you're smarter than me.
- Howard Wolowitz: You know, Sheldon, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them.
- Penny: Oh, hey guys, what's up?
- Howard Wolowitz: We need a hot fifteen year old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
- Penny: What?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year old girl will do the trick.
- [Penny slams door]
- Raj Koothrappali: It's possible she may have misunderstood us.
- [last lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: Hey, look at that. It's Dennis Kim.
- Howard Wolowitz: Wow, I almost didn't recognize him.
- Raj Koothrappali: You know, I kind of feel bad about what we did to him.
- [Kim is locked in a kiss with a blond girl]
- Leonard Hofstadter: [sarcastic] Yeah, we really ruined his life.
- Sheldon Cooper: Screw him. He was weak.
- Leonard Hofstadter: C'mon, Dennis, I'll show you the Rec Center. They've got Nautilus equipment.
- Dennis Kim: Do I *look* like I lift weights?
- Dennis Kim: [notices award certificate on wall of Sheldon's office] Wow! You won a Stevenson Award?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes! In fact, I am the youngest person ever to win it.
- Dennis Kim: Really! How old?
- Sheldon Cooper: Fourteen and a half.
- Dennis Kim: Hm - you *were* the youngest person ever to win it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [grinning gleefully] It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?
- Howard Wolowitz: Smart is the new sexy.
- Leonard: Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Maybe we're too smart... so smart it's off-putting.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, let's go with that.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.
- Sheldon Cooper: And you also have a note from your mother that says "I love you, Bubbeleh". But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes?
- Howard Wolowitz: Go away!
- Sheldon Cooper: Did Leonard tell you to say that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Nah, I thought of it all by myself.
- Sheldon Cooper: Huh. It can't be a coincidence. There must be some causal link I'm missing.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, so we now have a socially awkward genius in a room full of attractive, age-appropriate women.
- Howard Wolowitz: All he has to do now is hook up with one of them.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?
- Raj Koothrappali: We need a social catalyst.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Like what? We can't get fifteen year old girls drunk.
- Howard Wolowitz: Or can we...?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, we can't!
- Howard Wolowitz: Unbelievable. Components I built are on the International Space Station and I get a ticket for launching a model rocket in the park.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as it was for you telling the policewoman "You have to frisk me. I have another rocket in my pants."
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Here's the problem with teleportation.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Lay it on me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Assuming a device could be invented, which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly, you would not have actually transported the individual; you would have destroyed him in one location and recreated him in another.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How about that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Personally, I would never use a transporter, because the original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, he would be exactly the same.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That is a problem.
- Leonard Hofstadter: The kid got a girl.
- Raj Koothrappali: Unbelievable.
- Howard Wolowitz: Did anyone see how he did it?
- Sheldon Cooper: I sense a disturbance in the Force.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [in a Yoda voice] A bad feeling I have about this, hmm.
- Sheldon Cooper: Alright, and this is my office.
- Dennis Kim: Is this part of the tour?
- Sheldon Cooper: Nope. Goodbye.
- Penny: I really don't see what the big deal is.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, of course your don't. You've never excelled at anything.
- Penny: I don't understand. Exactly how did he get any friends in the first place?
- Howard Wolowitz: We liked Leonard.
- Raj Koothrappali: You know, if we were in India, this would be simpler. Five minutes with her dad, twenty goats and a laptop, and we'd be done.
- Dr. Eric Gablehauser: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim. Dennis is a *highly* sought-after doctoral candidate, and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Graduate work? Very impressive.
- Dr. Eric Gablehauser: And he's only 15 years old.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not bad. I, myself, started graduate school at 14.
- Dennis Kim: Well, I lost a year while my family was tunneling out of North Korea.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [to Sheldon] Advantage: Kim.
- Dr. Eric Gablehauser: Dennis, we've discussed this! We're in the process of updating our equipment, and we welcome your input on our research goals, and we've agreed to look the other way if you wanna use up to 20% of the grant money you attract to smuggle your grandfather out of Pyongyang.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So Dennis, how long have you been in America?
- Dennis Kim: A year and a half.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No kidding? You speak English really well.
- Dennis Kim: So do you.
- Dr. Eric Gablehauser: What are you working on?
- Sheldon Cooper: Something remarkable. Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in physics have disappeared, thank you very much, I've decided to refocus my efforts and use my people skills to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Look, I'm going to solve the Middle East crisis by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert.
- Dr. Eric Gablehauser: To what end?
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, it's like the baseball movie. Build it and they will come.
- Sheldon Cooper: I really don't understand your objections, Dr. Goldfarb. Why wouldn't the Sonora desert make a perfectly good promised land?
- Professor Goldfarb: Go away.
- Sheldon Cooper: We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.
- Sheldon Cooper: 15 years old. Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to... You know, that other guy.
- Howard Wolowitz: Antonio Salieri?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh God, now even you are smarter than me.
- Howard Wolowitz: You know, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why waste food? In Texas, when a cow goes dry, they don't keep feeding it, they just... take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
- Penny: I'm confused. Did Sheldon stop giving milk?
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard, you're a Jew. If there was another wailing wall exactly like the one in Jerusalem. but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?