- Roger: [after dressing up as a woman in revealing clothing in an attempt to win a sexual harrsament settlement] Huh, Probably Shouldn't have farted before I started that walk.
- Stan Smith: If I had died in that crash today, who would remember me?
- Francine Smith: I would.
- Stan Smith: That's right. Nobody.
- Francine Smith: Stan, can you please talk to your daughter. Look at her!
- Stan Smith: My God! Get that slut shrapnel out of your face this instant!
- Hayley Smith: It's just a nose ring.
- Stan Smith: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about.
- Francine Smith: [to Hayley] Listen to your father. Sting's become a bit of a douche
- Roger: [Roger Begins his second attempt at his sexual harrasment suit by keeping a box of donuts between his legs] Hey, you looking for something glazed and bad for you?