- Lois Griffin: [after being told that she had bad eyesight] Well, what do I do about it?
- Dr. Elmer Hartman: Well, I'm no doctor, but I would say you either need to get glasses or LASIK.
- Dr. Elmer Hartman: The surgery was a success, by which I mean the hospital accepted your Discover Card...
- Meg Griffin: I can't believe you've been lying! Why?
- Lois Griffin: Don't you get it? I have to be blind to keep the money rolling in. Nobody's gonna be inspired by a middle-aged, cisgendered, able-bodied white woman.
- Peter Griffin: [pops up out of nowhere] Or man!