- Larry Clarke: [reading a record album title] Highlights from James Joyce's Ulysses, read by Henny Youngman.
- Larry Clarke: [during the two-out-of-three coin toss] Let's make it four out of seven!
- David Lewis: What? Whoever heard of four out of seven?
- Larry Clarke: A lot of people. That's how they settle the World Series.
- David Lewis: Larry and I happen to love Laurel and Hardy.
- Linda Lewis: So it worked out fine. You each got one.
- David Lewis: What good is one? It has to be Laurel and Hardy. Some things don't mean anything unless they're together. You ever hear of anyone buying a pong table? What good is lickety without split? Or hanky without panky?
- Roland B. Hutton Jr.: [discussing his wife] She's here. She's out in back polishing silver.
- Larry Clarke: Gee, I never thought the Lone Ranger would sell him.
- Sandy Kramer: Linda, I don't think we did the right thing.
- Linda Lewis: We not only broke up Laurel and Hardy, we may have broken up Lewis and Clark.