The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Plimpton Stimulation (2010)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : [in the bathroom] Pee for Houston, pee for Austin / Pee for the state my heart got lost in.
[pause]
Sheldon Cooper : And shake twice for Texas.
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Sheldon Cooper : Now listen, one of the great minds of the 21st Century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st Century. So pay attention; years from now my biographer might ask you about this event.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer.
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Penny : You know what? It's, it's none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, now...
Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me. I'm uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.
Penny : I'm not recommending it. I'm saying it already happened.
Sheldon Cooper : That's preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well.
Sheldon Cooper : No.
Leonard Hofstadter : Come on. It wasn't my fault.
Sheldon Cooper : The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?
Penny : You know what? I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
Leonard Hofstadter : Penny, I can still drive you.
Penny : Oh, no, no, it's okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.
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Howard Wolowitz : Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon Cooper : Sarcasm?
Howard Wolowitz : Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
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Sheldon Cooper : In here, you'll find emergency provisions: an eight day supply of food and water, a crossbow, Season Two of Star Trek: The Original Series on a high-density flash drive.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : What if there's a disaster that destroys all the USB ports?
Sheldon Cooper : Then there's really no reason to live, is there?
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Penny : You're having a woman stay with you?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Penny : Oh, no no no no no, I'm not flabbergasted. I'm... puzzled. Yeah, let's go with puzzled.
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Howard Wolowitz : I have a two-part question.
Sheldon Cooper : Go ahead.
Howard Wolowitz : A: Are you kidding me? and B: Seriously, are you freaking kidding me?
Sheldon Cooper : A: I rarely kid and B: When I do kid, you'll know it by my use of the word "Bazinga".
Howard Wolowitz : So you're saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes... Bazinga.
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Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, well, who wants to stay in a hotel, with windows that don't open, those crazy card-shaped keys?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : I'm so glad you understand.
Sheldon Cooper : No, he doesn't understand; *I* understand.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, I understand too.
Sheldon Cooper : You're just misappropriating my understanding.
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Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I have something for you. Per our roommate agreement this is your twenty-four hour notice that I will be having a non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.
Leonard Hofstadter : When you say "non-related female", you still mean human, right?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course. Pets are banned under the roommate agreement, with the exception of service animals, such as seeing eye dogs and one day cybernetically enhanced helper monkeys.
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Sheldon Cooper : Dr. Plimpton, I'd like you to meet my colleagues, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, and not-a-doctor Howard Wolowitz.
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Sheldon Cooper : Penny, this is Dr. Plimpton, a leading expert on quantum cosmology. Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays in the internal combustion engine.
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Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : Can I ask you a question about your roommate?
Sheldon Cooper : He's an odd duck, isn't he?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : What's his relationship status?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common except for carnal activity. That's why I acquired these noise-cancelling headphones.
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Sheldon Cooper : Oh, Penny, excellent. I have a question about these maxi pads. Are the wings truly functional or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?
Penny : What? What are you doing with...? What?
Sheldon Cooper : The stock boy at Walgreens was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.
Penny : Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
Sheldon Cooper : I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.
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Sheldon Cooper : Elizabeth, Leonard's bathroom time is coming up and believe me, you do not want to follow him.
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Sheldon Cooper : Vocal test, morning vocal test.
[Clears throat]
Sheldon Cooper : Second vocal test, second morning vocal test.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why is a world-renowned scientist staying in our apartment instead of a hotel?
Sheldon Cooper : She doesn't care for hotels. And who can blame her? Windows that don't open, multi-user linens, keys shaped like credit cards, as if one walks around with unassigned slots in one's wallet.
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Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton : Nice to finally meet you in person.
Sheldon Cooper : I would imagine it is. This is my friend and roommate, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Why didn't you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton. I am a huge fan of hers.
Sheldon Cooper : I didn't realize I was obligated to share my connection with things you are a fan of. But, very well. You enjoy Canadian bacon. I've been to Toronto.
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Raj Koothrappali : [sneezes as he reaches the lunch table]
Sheldon Cooper : [stops Raj from sitting down] Hold!
Raj Koothrappali : What?
Sheldon Cooper : Explain your sneeze.
Raj Koothrappali : I'm sorry?
Sheldon Cooper : Do you have allergies?
Raj Koothrappali : No
Sheldon Cooper : Is there too much pepper on your salad?
Raj Koothrappali : I don't put pepper on salad.
Sheldon Cooper : I heard enough.
[Motions to the table behind him]
Sheldon Cooper : Sit over there.
Raj Koothrappali : Come on, I don't want to sit by myself.
Sheldon Cooper : That's what Typhoid Mary said and clearly, her friends buckled.
Raj Koothrappali : [to Leonard and Howard] Guys, help me.
Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon, come on.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, it's just one sneeze.
[Raj sneezes again]
Leonard Hofstadter : You're on your own.
Howard Wolowitz : See you, buddy.