Family Guy (TV Series)

And I'm Joyce Kinney (2011)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Ellen DeGeneres, Church Goer #2, Tina Fey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : It was back in a disgusting period known as the early 80s. It was a time when women would stand topless, high on coke, on the edge of hotel balconies while the curtains were billowing around them... I think there was actually more wind then.

• Pastor : [after he finds out Lois was in a pornographic film]  You are no longer welcome here, Lois Griffin.

  Lois Griffin : But Father, I've been a member of this church for...

  Pastor : Leave this house of God!

  Lois Griffin : But I love the church. It's an important part of my life.

  Pastor : Maybe you should have thought about that before you made a porn.

  Lois Griffin : But Father, I didn't mea... wait, did you say "a porn"?

  Pastor : Yes.

  Lois Griffin : Oh. Well, that's kind of weird.

  Pastor : What?

  Lois Griffin : Well, I mean you gotta say "you made porn" or "you made a porno". You don't say "made a porn", it hits the ear wrong.

  Pastor : Oh, God, have I been saying it wrong this whole time?

  [the altar boys nod] 

• Priest : Let me remind you all that this Saturday at 5:00 p.m., we'll have vespers, not to be confused with with the Italian motor scooter.

  [the congregation laughs politely, with Lois cackling audibly louder] 

  Lois Griffin : Vespers!

  Priest : And don't forget, next weekend we will have the Sunday afternoon family picnic, as God said to Noah, weather permitting.

  [more polite laughter and Lois' loud cackling] 

  Lois Griffin : Stop it!

  Priest : And another reminder, when you arrive to Mass, please do not park behind the rectory. As the Corinthians said to the Galatians, "That's my land."

  Lois Griffin : [roaring with laughter again]  Oh, ho, ho! Look out, Gallagher!

  Peter Griffin : Stop kissing ass.

• Lois Griffin : [getting a tour of the television news station]  Oh, this is all so fascinating. You must have so many stories.

  Joyce Kinney : Well, look, If you want to grab a drink with me later tonight, I'd be happy to tell you some.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, my God, I would love to. Look at me, huh? Stepping out on the town with a big celebrity.

  Joyce Kinney : Well, I think you're exaggerating.

  Lois Griffin : No, you're a lady big shot, like Miss Piggy.

  [cut to backstage at "The Muppet Show", where Kermit has a black eye, bandages around where his ribs would be, and is on crutches] 

  Fozzie Bear : Hey, Kermit, what happened to the "Bears in Space" sketch?

  Kermit the Frog : Sorry, it's "Pigs in Space" now. There's been a change.

  Fozzie Bear : What?

  Kermit the Frog : There's been a change!

• Lois Griffin : [bumping into Joyce at the store]  Excuse me, Ms. Kinney? I don't mean to bother you, but my name is Lois Griffin. I-I am a huge fan, and I just think you are doing a fantastic job. And after what I went through with Diane Simmons, well, let me just say it's nice to be standing here with no one trying to murder me.

  Stewie Griffin : [in the cart, with one of his ray guns aimed at her]  Yeah, no, you're fine.