- Charlotte O'Neil: I always felt like a book is a friend that does what no friend can do; stay quiet when you wanna think.
- Monte Wildhorn: Most times real life doesn't measure-up to what's in our heads, but every now and then it comes pretty close... you happen to catch me in one of those rarefied moments.
- Monte Wildhorn: In the future, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't walk my dog.
- Charlotte O'Neil: He's Dave's dog.
- Monte Wildhorn: I am not claiming to be his biological father.
- Joe Viola: He's just trying to make you a rich son of a bitch.
- Monte Wildhorn: I'm already a son of a bitch. And I don't care to be rich.
- [first lines]
- Monte Wildhorn: What's all that crap on the windshield?
- Henry: It's ash from the fire.
- Monte Wildhorn: This is where you're bringing me?
- Henry: It's rent free.
- Monte Wildhorn: Before or after it burns down?
- [last lines]
- Charlotte O'Neil: Looking forward to having you as a neighbor, Mr. Wildhorn.
- Monte Wildhorn: Just keep the noise down, Mrs. O'Neil.