- Mort Sahl: The virtue of the Jewish people in comedy is that they could always find the joke. The people are up in front of the German firing squad, and one of the guys says, you know, "Long live the Jewish homeland." And the other guy says, "Shh, don't make trouble."
- Totie Fields: Do you know what I found out about Jewish food? It goes in and it never comes out again.
- Myron Cohen: A Texan went to Israel on a visit. He said to his Israeli host, "You get to my house in Dallas. I'm gonna take you to my ranch." He said, "I can't tell you how big my ranch is, but when I get into my car at 7 o'clock in the morning, I drive for 10 hours and I still ain't reached the end of my property." The Israeli says, "You know, once I had a car like this, myself."