Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : You're lucky it's Christmas, because if it wasn't, I would've murdered you all!

  [Mike dances to "Mistletoe and Wine" until Fred runs in to spoil the mood] 

  Fred : Hey, it's Fred!

  [Mike looks blankly while "Mistletoe and Wine" continues at a distorted tempo, before Mike continues with the review] 

  Mike J. : Fred 2, how could things be any worse? Let's see... regrettably.

  Fred : My life is a horror movie! It's so scary!

  Mike J. : A horror movie?

  Fred : Do you want to hear about it or not?

  Mike J. : No.

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : So, Fred 2; it isn't the best film I've ever seen - by far - but, considering the first movie was so bad and Fred was so hateful, this one wasn't actually that bad. Oh God! Oh Jesus! This is an episode of Shameful Sequels where... the sequel is better than the original!

  [raises his arms as snow rains down and "Hallelujah" plays] 

  Mike J. : It's a Christmas miracle! Look, fake snow and everything!

  [sings "Deck the Halls" before Fred ruins it with his screaming] 

  Mike J. : Fuck off!