The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Closet Reconfiguration (2013)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Amy.
Amy Farrah Fowler : You didn't know it, but your father was in the auditorium at your high school graduation and he cried because he was so proud of you.
Howard Wolowitz : Really?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that's complete poppycock which Amy made that up and it could still be the map.
Leonard Hofstadter : Penny.
Penny : It was a letter explaining that your Dad wasn't who he said was. Eventually his other life caught up to him and the only way to keep you and your Mom safe was to leave.
Sheldon Cooper : I would like to change mine. The pirate's name was Peg Leg Antoine. Now it's completely different from Goonies.
Amy Farrah Fowler : No it's not.
Sheldon Cooper : Don't.
Leonard Hofstadter : OK, my turn. Your Dad wrote about how family is the most important thing and that you should never throw it away like he did.
Howard Wolowitz : Hm.
Leonard Hofstadter : Bernadette.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Inside the envelope was a picture of your Dad holding you the day you were born. On the back he wrote: Howard, my son, my greatest gift.
[Howard gets up and walks away]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You okay?
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah. I'm terrific.
Sheldon Cooper : So? Which one do you think it is, matey?
Howard Wolowitz : Actually I don't want to know. I want all of them to be true.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, one of them is.
Howard Wolowitz : That is pretty cool. Thank you, guys.
-
Howard Wolowitz : What are you guys doing here?
Leonard Hofstadter : When you left you weren't sure whether or not you wanted to know what was in your Dad's letter so we came up with kind of a cool solution.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh yeah, what's that?
Sheldon Cooper : It's simple really. It occurred to me that knowing and not knowing can be achieved by creating a macroscopic example of quantum superposition. The principle that a physical system exists partially in all of its possible states at once.
Penny : We were all thinking it, really. Kind of the elephant in the room.
Sheldon Cooper : Anyway, um, I realized if we each present you with an account of what your father wrote to you, only one of which is true, and we don't tell you which one it is, you will be forever in a state of epistemic ambivalence.
Penny : Yeah. And he said if it wasn't epistemic, we might as well not even do it.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sit down, honey.
Leonard Hofstadter : Raj, you're up.
Raj Koothrappali : It was a card for your eighteenth birthday. Inside it said: Happy Birthday Howard. I love you, Dad. Oh, and it was a Far Side card, The one where the frog had his tongue stuck to the underside of an airplane. Thinks it's a fly. Silly frog. So funny.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : It was a map leading to the lost treasure of famous pirate One-eyed Willy.
Howard Wolowitz : That's fine. That's the plot for The Goonies.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Told you.
Sheldon Cooper : Don't.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sheldon, I know tonight's the night you eat Thai food so I went to the Asian market, got all the ingredients, made it from scratch.
Sheldon Cooper : Ohh, you shouldn't have.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, it's my pleasure.
Sheldon Cooper : No, you really shouldn't have.
[holds up bag of takeout food]
Sheldon Cooper : I brought my own.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You stopped and got him takeout?
Leonard Hofstadter : I had no choice. He kept kicking the back of my seat.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [to Howard] Show him the closet!
-
[Sheldon is begging Leonard to let him stay and finish organizing Howard's closet]
Leonard Hofstadter : Penny is already in the car... wait, I can go home without you? Bye!
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Hey. Where have you been?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, Leonard. If I was prone to sarcasm, I would say I was pulling off a major heist at the museum of laundry baskets.
Leonard Hofstadter : [to himself] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
[heavy sigh]
Leonard Hofstadter : I meant "Golly, Sheldon, you've been gone a long time."
Sheldon Cooper : Oh. Well, I was waylaid by Penny, Bernadette, and Amy. They made me reveal confidential information about Howard's father.
Leonard Hofstadter : What information?
Sheldon Cooper : I can't tell you that. I am bound by closet organizer/organizee confidentiality.
Raj Koothrappali : Well, come on. We won't tell anyone.
Sheldon Cooper : Sorry. Badgering me won't work. What you should have said is "It's pointless to keep this a secret, because Penny will tell us."
Leonard Hofstadter : Fine, then that.
Sheldon Cooper : All right, I'll tell you.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I made him tell us.
Howard Wolowitz : Us? Who else knows?
Penny : I know.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Me, too.
Leonard Hofstadter : Same here.
Raj Koothrappali : Shame on all of you!
Leonard Hofstadter : You know, too.
Raj Koothrappali : Couldn't leave him one friend, could you?
-
Raj Koothrappali : I'm here to make sure your dinner party kicks Howard's dinner party's ass. Now, the first thing we need is a theme. I'm thinking, ah, turn-of-the-century Moulin Rouge.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch.