Family Guy (TV Series)
Quagmire's Quagmire (2013)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Dan Quagmire, Owl #3
Photos
Quotes
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Ida Quagmire : Are you okay, Glen?
Quagmire : [Bruised and hanging upside-down, tied up with power-cord] No, I'm pretty fucking far from okay right now.
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Quagmire : Sonja, I know "no" doesn't mean "no", but surely some word must mean "no"!
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Stewie Griffin : What are you doing?
Brian Griffin : Ah, yes, I've been using Rupert as a chew toy.
Stewie Griffin : Chewing him with your crotch?
Brian Griffin : Dogs hump stuffed animals, what's the big deal? You said I could have Rupert, now.
Stewie Griffin : Well, I've changed my mind. And by the way, Rupert's a Dude you big Gaylord!
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Stewie Griffin : Oh Rupert! This time it's forever! I hope Oscar didn't take it too hard, though.
[Cut to attic. Oscar has apparently painted a huge canvas of Stewie's face and then hanged himself in front of it]
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Quagmire : My dad's pregnant with my kid.
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Hawaiian Shirt Vendor : How about you, Big Island?
Peter Griffin : Wow, Heart Disease looks beautiful wrapped in a Floral Pattern!
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Brian Griffin : [finds Stewie in the attic having tea with his old teddy bear Oscar] Stewie, what are you doing up here?
Stewie Griffin : [gasps] Brian! It... it's not what you think. Alright, I... I came up here for a photo shoot and it just got way, way out of hand!
Brian Griffin : You're having tea. How is that out of hand? Is your shirt on backwards?
Stewie Griffin : Please, you can't tell Rupert I was up here. Alright? He... he wouldn't understand. He'll kill himself, Brian! He's been through so much already, he can't take much more! Brian, he watched his brother drown!
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Stewie Griffin : Brian?
[Brian is seem trying to hump Rupert]
Brian Griffin : Oh, hey.
Stewie Griffin : [irate] What the hell are you doing?
Brian Griffin : I've been kind of using Rupert as a chew toy.
Stewie Griffin : Chewing him with your crotch?
Brian Griffin : Hey dogs love humping stuffed animals, what can I say. Besides, I thought you liked Oscar better.
[Stewie takes Rupert back]
Stewie Griffin : Well, I just changed my mind. And you know Rupert's a dude, right? You gay lord?
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[Peter and Joe stumble out of the Clam drunk]
Peter Griffin : Okay, Joe? Joe? You're drunk. Gimme your keys. And... And I'm drunk, so I'll give you my keys. Okay, now we're both good to drive home.
[cut to Peter and Joe driving each other's cars and Peter pulls Joe over and steps up to the car]
Peter Griffin : You been drinkin' tonight, sir?
Joe Swanson : Uh, no, officer, I just had a glass of dinner with my wine.
Peter Griffin : Okay, I'munna need ya to step out of the car and walk a straight line, please.
[Joe opens Peter's car door and drops to the ground]
Peter Griffin : Alright, you be safe, sir, there's a lotta crazies out there tonight.
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Peter Griffin : Wow, I can't believe that the guy at the front desk with the facial tattoos and the pony tail would let this go on!
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Ryan : [At "Ryan's Hawaiians"] How about you, Big Island? Want to try one?
[Wraps Peter in a Hawaiian Shirt]
Peter Griffin : Wow! Heart Disease looks beautiful wrapped in a floral pattern!
