- Sheldon Cooper: Quick poll! PS4 or Xbox One? Raj?
- Raj Koothrappali: Uh, Xbox One.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny!
- Penny: Huh?
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard!
- Leonard Hofstadter: PS4.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz!
- Howard Wolowitz: They're both great.
- Sheldon Cooper: Bernadette!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I like the Wii.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thanks, grandma.
- Sheldon Cooper: Now, the PS4 is more angular and sleak-looking.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Sarcastically] No way!
- Sheldon Cooper: it's true. But the larger size of the XBox One may keep it from overheating.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Huh, you wouldn't want your gaming system to overheat.
- Sheldon Cooper: You absolutely would not! And furthermore, the XBox One now comes with a kinect included.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Included?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, not sold separately. Although the PS4 uses cool new GDDR-5 RAM while the XBox's still using the conventional DDR-3 memory.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why would they still be using DDR-3? Are they nuts?
- Sheldon Cooper: See, that's what I thought! But then they go and throw an ES RAM buffer.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: W-w-wait a second, who's 'they'?
- Sheldon Cooper: XBox.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You're kidding!
- Sheldon Cooper: I am not! This ES RAM buffer should totally bridge the 100 GB per second bandwith gap between the two RAM types!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: This is a nightmare, how will you ever make a decision?
- Sheldon Cooper: See, I don't know! What should I do?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Please pass the butter!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Can I get your opinion on something that happened at work today?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Of course.
- Penny: Sure.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof, or a horrible monster, damned to spend eternity in hell.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, I'm sure it's lovable.
- Penny: I'm gonna' go with monster. What do ya' got?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, there's this lady in our office who's retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for us to sign, but no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend, and what I was signing was not a retirement card, but was actually a get well card.
- Penny: [laughing] I'm liking my odds here.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who's clinging to life, are the words "Hey Vivian, you deserve this. And at least with you gone, no one will steal my yogurt out of the fridge. LOL, smiley. P.S., Good luck, wherever you wind up."
- Penny: Why didn't I put money on this?
- Sheldon Cooper: First, there was PS1, then PS2, followed by PS3, and now PS4. Logical, right? But with the XBox, instead of XBox 2, they had XBox 360. And now there's XBox One... Why one? Probably the amount of time it took to come up with the name.
- Sheldon Cooper: On the one hand, the XBox One has a camera. On the other hand, the PS4 has a removable hard drive. Thoughts?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I can't feel my legs.
- Raj Koothrappali: Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love, but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way.
- Penny: Oh, that's sad.
- Raj Koothrappali: It is. But once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies of the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for single night of passion.
- [Penny sighs]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, that's enough!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How about this. They say if you flip a coin, it shows your true feelings, because you'll either be excited or disappointed by the outcome. So, heads it's an XBox One, tails it's a PS4.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right.
- [flips coin]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, what is it?
- Sheldon Cooper: A quarter.
- [Tosses quarter away]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Could have given it back to me. That was a choice.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, you gonna see her again?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, we have plans this weekend. And if it's a clear night, I'm gonna lay some romantic astronomy on her.
- Penny: Okay, like what? Show me.
- Raj Koothrappali: I can't do that to Leonard. This is some powerful panty-dropping stuff.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You have my blessing. Go for it.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay.
- [clears throat]
- Raj Koothrappali: Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way... But once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies in the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion.
- Emily: That's kind of adorable.
- Raj Koothrappali: Are you sure? Because this is the part of the night where I've said something stupid and the girl usually leaves.
- Emily: I'm still here.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, but now you make me wonder what's wrong with you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh. How you're audition go?
- Penny: I killed it. I was able to cry real tears on the spot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, that's great.
- Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here comes the waterworks.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Running away] Here comes the waterworks!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Aren't you going to ask?
- Penny: What? Is this my first day?
- Emily: Your friend e-mailed me because you were afraid to so you tracked me down and acted like a lunatic.
- Penny: Sometimes I feel like I can control the killer gorilla instinct inside of me, but then I see these bananas and then I want to eat them and then kill people. What am I gonna do?
- Leonard Hofstadter: For one thing, I wouldn't eat those bananas.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Does this make me a horrible person?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: No, of course not. It was an accident.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What about that I wish she would die before she read the card?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay, now you're straddling the line.
- Wil Wheaton: I was in "Stand by Me" when I was a kid, and it was a huge success. The terrible movies I did came after that. Imagine how that feels.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sounds rough.
- Wil Wheaton: I'm telling you, this business is brutal. To this day, I hate going on auditions. Okay, I walk in, and I can just feel them thinking, "He was such a cute kid. What happened to him?" And then I don't get the job, and I can never find out why. Honestly, I get so depressed, there are entire weeks that I can't even get out of bed.
- Penny: Okay, this was helpful.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm employing the work of Dutch researcher Mirjam Tuk, who found that people with full bladders make better decisions.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why did I pee before I decided to move in here?
- Raj Koothrappali: What if one of them asks me what I was up to the night before and I was with the other one. Then what, do I lie?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski, Howard Wolowitz: Yes.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What do you mean, yes?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do *you* mean, yes?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Were you seeing other women when we started dating?
- Howard Wolowitz: No. Were you seeing other men?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: No.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Were you seeing other men?
- Penny: No.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Aren't you going to ask me?
- Penny: Come on, really?
- Penny: Okay, look here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan in a bikini.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
- Penny: Both of us.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Does it at least pay well?
- Penny: Less than what I was making at the Cheesecake Factory.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What does your agent think?
- Penny: She's thinking of taking a job at the Cheesecake Factory.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How can you possibly make a decision?
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't know.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [shouting] Please pass the butter!