- Leonard Hofstadter: You know I want to marry you, but you're only doing this because you got fired and you're feeling sorry for yourself.
- Penny: Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could ever happen to me, okay? I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then what do you need?
- Penny: You, you stupid Pop Tart!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh. Then I guess I'm in.
- Penny: Really? You guess you're in?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Not like "I guess I'm in:" Like "I guess... I'm IN!"
- Penny: Okay. Cool.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So is that it? Are we engaged?
- Penny: Yeah, I think so.
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right.
- Penny: What's wrong?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not sure. Just feels a little anticlimactic.
- Penny: Yeah, it kind of does, huh?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I know. This might help.
- [Takes out a ring from his wallet]
- Penny: Where did you get a ring?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I've... had it for a couple of years, not important.
- [Gets on knee]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Penny, will you marry...
- Penny: Oh, my God. Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You think we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
- Howard Wolowitz: You mean a forklift?
- Penny: I need to start making some smart decisions.
- Leonard Hofstadter: With your career?
- Penny: With my life.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Like what?
- Penny: I don't know.
- [pause]
- Penny: We could get married.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Come on, be serious.
- Penny: I am.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why? Because I'm a smart decision?
- Penny: Well, yeah.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So I'm like a bran muffin.
- Penny: Well, no. That's not what I'm saying.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, it's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.
- Penny: What does it matter? The point is I'm choosing you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, it matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a Cinnabon, you know? A strawberry Pop Tart. Something you're excited about even though it could give you diabetes.
- Penny: Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, no. It's too late. I'm your bran muffin. Probably fat-free and good for your colon.
- Raj Koothrappali: So you have tattoos?
- Emily: Yeah.
- Raj Koothrappali: I don't. I have a hole in my belly button that may or may not have been a piercing.
- Emily: That's cool.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's a piercing. So how many tattoos?
- Emily: One on my shoulder, one not on my shoulder and one REALLY not on my shoulder.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's been a long time since I've seen a girl's "really not my shoulder".
- Emily: Well, how about you show me your piercing and I show you my tattoos?
- [Kiss]
- Raj Koothrappali: But before I take my shirt off I need like ten minutes to do some crunches.
- Penny: There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming into a killer gorilla that anyone has ever seen.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. The bisexual killer gorilla go-go dancer in "Schindler's List" is tough to beat.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's funny, because a killer gorilla go-go dancer of any sexual orientation would be out of place in a movie about the Holocaust.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It only gets funnier when you explain it.
- Sheldon Cooper: I know.
- Sheldon Cooper: I know let's go see the new Spiderman movie.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, we're talking about your friend's mother. She got hurt.
- Sheldon Cooper: I thought that subject had run its course so I changed it. It's called reading the room, Amy.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry. I don't have all the ingredients to make chai tea.
- Raj Koothrappali: You don't have to make me anything.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I do. You're upset about Emily and you're Indian. I need to make you chai tea. I have all the ingredients except cardamom seeds. You happen to have any on you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Sorry, I left them in my turban.
- Raj Koothrappali: Aren't you going to get 3-D glasses?
- Sheldon Cooper: I brought my own. No sense risking bridge-of-nose herpes.
- Raj Koothrappali: Is that a thing?
- Sheldon Cooper: Until they make a nose condom, I'm not going to find out.
- Penny: You know, the only thing worse than being in a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass is being fired from a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, good night.
- Raj Koothrappali: Don't send me home. I can't be alone right now.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's your problem. You can't be alone.
- Wil Wheaton: If you fire her, you're gonna have to fire me too.
- [Cut to Wil, Penny and Leonard at a bar]
- Wil Wheaton: Wow, that went bad very quickly.
- Howard Wolowitz: The doctor says you need to get exercise!
- Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise!
- Howard Wolowitz: Crushing my will to live isn't exercise!
- Kenneth: And action.
- Wil Wheaton: Please don't shut me out.
- Penny: Go away. Just go away.
- Wil Wheaton: I swear, I will find a way to turn you back.
- Penny: What gave you the right to mix my DNA with that of a killer gorilla?
- Wil Wheaton: I was trying to save your life.
- Penny: Life? What life? Look at me I'm a monster! And now I have blood on my hands or paws. I don't know.
- Wil Wheaton: You can't give up. I love you.
- Penny: I love you too. But I'm afraid I love killing more. Like, one day, I might actually try and kill you.
- [Ape screaming at him]
- Kenneth: And cut. All right. All right, let's set up for the next scene.
- Penny: Actually, you know what? Can we do one more? I think I could do it better.
- Kenneth: Let's just move on. No one cares.
- Penny: It's easy for you to say. You used to be famous.
- Wil Wheaton: Penny, it's not about being famous, it's about the art, it's about the passion you have for our craft.
- [Gets a text message on phone]
- Wil Wheaton: I have an audition for Sharknado 2.
- [Gets up to leave]
- Wil Wheaton: When this is over, I'll be back to being depressed.