- Roger: [singing to the tune of Jingle Bells] Jingle bells Santa smells, everything's so lame, Christmas time is such a grime
- [caroler shoves him]
- Roger: Hey don't push me away! Hey!
- Snot Lonstein: [singing] Jingle bells I'm unwell watching others play, they have fun but I am bummed, cuz Santa skips my place
- Roger: [drives his car through the mall] Crashing through the mall, cuz I'm driving while I'm baked, but I don't care at all
- Snot Lonstein: [pops up in the car with him] I was crying the whole way
- Roger: Ha, ha, ha, ha
- [singing]
- Roger: See that Christmas tree, all those kids in line, all we see is red and green and a few ugly hate crimes
- [drives past a Jewish boy being bullied]
- Snot Lonstein: [singing] Jingle bells hear me yell Jewish gifts are dumb, what's in the box oh it's just socks and not a paintball gun
- Roger: [singing] Jingle bells this is hell, Hanukkah's so lame, compared to this it's like a briss, just chop my dick away!
- Roger: [singing to the tune of The Dreidel Song] Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I don't know how to play. Putzes, schmutzes, futzes all are Jewish words, Schwimmer, Sandler, Spielberg all are Jewish nerds. So why do you need Christmas when you have Hanukkah, Schmanta Claus is coming to girls named Monica.
- [asking the crowd]
- Roger: Monica on Friends was Jewish and I assume that's a Jewish name, right?