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jkaplow21
Reviews
Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020)
Almost flawless
How they didn't get Mandy Patinkin (or anybody) to recite "My Name is Inigo Mantoya, you killed my father, prepare to die" is a major oversight.
Along Came a Spider (2001)
Too many "What the"s
*SPOILERS contained throughout (though it probably doesn't matter).
Along Came a Spider and sat down beside her and scared all the movie patrons away. Ok, first off, this movie wasn't half bad, nor was it half good. I am not going to dwell on the movie itself, but rather, unbelievable aspect of it.
First, we have the car crash scene at the very beginning (and call me old fashioned, though I am 24, but can we please get back to using actual cars and real effects rather than computer generated everything) that looked very unrealistic.
Ok, now we have a police officer who has gone through extraordinary trauma, and they hint at it for the first part of the movie. Does it develop into anything? No. Ok, we drop the point of his partner dying, and we even breeze on through the one scene with who we assume was his wife.
We now watch an elaborate scheme to capture the daughter of a little known senator (which is very realistic btw). But we come to find out that he really wants her friend Dimitri, who she passes notes to in a very elaborate picture of two deer while receiving pictures of Michael Jordan. These kids know their stuff!!! However, Dimitri, it seems, could not have been caught in the same manner. Why, there is no reason why other than to prolong the movie and add to the many twists.
Ok, now we know he has kidnapped someone who he doesn't want, and the police are trying to find him. They are looking at the tape of his classroom to find where the missing picture is. And poof, by clicking on the picture, in the video, we are transported into his house where he leave his medicine reflecting off of a mirror for all to see. I am a computer programmer and I have no idea of how they got into his house...movie magic I assume.
Ok, the movie starts moving around now...and we get to a terrible edit where Morgan is standing there holding a 1932 Turkish Musket that the secret service agent's father won in a game of aces&eights. How he found the musket in her apartment, why he was playing with it, or any real relevance in her life (other than being the last thing she knows about her father) we'll never know. Apparently it was just lying around (loaded no less) for him to play with and to keep as a mental note for later.
Meanwhile, McGuiverette, the senator's daughter, apparently knows that by placing the intercom battery on the already lit stove (you'd think that kidnappers don't serve much tea) and then awaits it's 10 megaton blast before she flees. Why even bother sending the police to find this girl...she can free herself.
Ok, now the kidnapper coaxes Dimitri to leave his room (very good security in his house considering what has just happened) by pretending to be the kidnapped girl. Kids know how to pass notes to each other via online pictures, but aren't smart enough to know that kidnapped people don't have computers to play on, nor do they need to keep up their method of passing notes via the pictures (they aren't in class). So, they thwart the kidnapper's attempt on young Dimitri (his last scene) and now we find the kidnapper's kidnapped has been kidnapped (why he doesn't report this to the police we'll never know).
So, the kidnapper, apparently has no clue what is going on finds Morgan. Morgan, the sly fox that he is, tricks Mr. kidnapper and claims that instead of 10 million in diamonds, it was 12 million. Obviously thrown for a loop with the glaring mistake in the value of the diamonds, the kidnapper ignores him completely. I mean, everyone knows the difference in 10 mil and 12 mil in diamonds...man, Morgan is a GENIUS!!!
So, he kills the kidnapper for being such an idiot with the musket which is still conveniently lying on the kitchen table with pieces of fruit loops stuck to it.
Now we find out that pretty little miss secret service agent is a bad egg. (Great, more twists) Now it is Morgan's turn to figure it out...and it takes all of 12 seconds...I mean, it is obvious...anyone who's father wins a musket in a game of aces&eights has to be a criminal (how she got into the secret service with that background is anyone's guess)...it was just staring him in the face.
So, knowing the password to her computer is just the first step. One shot, with the ampersand too and no asterisks to confuse the audience...he gets in. How convenient...he searches around...finds some pictures she has for online dating, her taxes...wait, a folder labeled wrong-doings...voila, this must be it.
So, Morgan is on his way to save the day. No need, Mcguiverette (who is really the daughter of Jerel, superman reference) has lifted the cast iron bed in place so mean secret service lady can't get in. She then makes a pipe bomb out of toilet paper, saliva and a dead spider and escapes.
Morgan happens to catch her (which makes me believe he should have been the kidnapper to begin with) and kills the pretty blonde (maybe diamonds aren't a girl's best friend).
After questioning her personal guard for 3 years to why she was alone to save her, and been kidnapped and kidnapped again...it seems as little McGuiverette drops her guard and goes with the guy she had never met before because he says he'll take her back to her parents.
Ahh...such a good movie.
Back to the Future Part III (1990)
Best thing about the Back to the Futures...
is finding the faults. I enjoyed all three quite a lot, and they rank up there as one of my top trilogies. However, it amazes me how some of the obvious blunders got by everyone who watches it. The biggest mistake kinda kills the whole third movie. Back to the Future II ends with Doc getting sent to the old west and III starts with Marty getting a note from doc saying he stashed the time machine away for 70 years so Marty can go home. So, what does he do, he goes to find Doc. YOU GO MARTY!!! But, alas, as only Marty can, he breaks the time machine when he arrives in 1885. Lucky for Marty though is now Doc can uncover the one he stashed away, for Marty to use 70 years later, and they can go home. Ooopppsss...Doc is so absent minded that instead of just getting the time machine out from the hole he left it in, he wanted to derive a completely new plan that involved pushing the broken Dolorian with a train. Well, sometimes the route best taken is the one where you have to work much harder than you had to.