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Reviews
Game of Thrones: The Bells (2019)
The hate is 100% justified.
You genuinely can tell that D&D want to just get this show out of the way so they can work their magic on Star Wars. I feel the nonsense that was episode 3 has now been defeated by the character assassination on Daenerys. The moment when she was sat on the wall looking at the Red Keep I was thinking, yup shes going to go for Cersai, finish the job and then rule. Nope, the show runners figures that the "breaker of chains", the person who almost died in the desert and surviving being burnt just flips the crazy switch and commits mass genocide. Mass genocide. At what point has the character ever shown that tendency? Her whole arc is about freeing the oppressed be it slaves or warriors.
Then we have Arya. the plot armour ladies and gentlemen is strong with this one. The character who moved at great speeds past many Wight Generals and the dead cant run out of the City without the help of a mother and child whom she thanks by taking them to a BBQ.
It doesn't matter what the fine work of the CG, set, props and clothing people do. That side of the show has been superb. But when the showrunners and writers decide that 'subverting expectations' and character assassination is the best way forward they not only damage all the good work that came before it but also the writing of Martin.
Why bother.
Anyone looking to get into this show just.....just dont bother. You are wasting your time.
Game of Thrones: The Long Night (2019)
Its a dark episode
Yup, its a dark episode. One of the darkest. Someone forgot to turn the lights on on set. Must have been a fuse. With no light how can the dead kill the main characters. Explains why they didn't die. Multiple dog piles and miracle saves. Definitely the lights.
Also.
An 8 year build up for one of the main overarching villains who is killed without doing anything by a deus ex machina from out of nowhere. Serious, where did Arya come from. I know the lights were out and no one saw her sneak through the only entrance to a high walled garden filled with the enemy dead, but come on.
That being said the clouds looked nice, i guess. Couldnt really see them. Lights were out.
The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
Its a classic drinking game B-movie at best
Oren Uziel and Doug Jung...just what....what the hell were you thinking? Presented with the opportunity to create a really interesting instigating factor that could explain and develop the whole 'disjointed yet related' film franchise this now is, you both decided to write a film that explained the entire point of the film inside the first 15 minutes. Have the both of you been releasing all of the 'give the plot away' trailers that have plagued movie releases the past several years? Must be. Anyway, a thing happens. Humans forget about alternative fuel sources. A bunch of circles are thrown into space. Another thing happens. A woman is found in a wall. A man's arm makes more of an impression than the man himself. A russian has a weird obsession with putting things in his body including worms, voices and a large looking metal football (oddly that has probably actually happened in the 2018). Um...the films tries to end itself at least 5 maybe 200 times with the 'we should all do this to get out of here' to rousing music to only then be scuppered by some pointless dramatic twist. Then clover.
Just....just write a damn sequel to the first film already. Did the monster make any fiends, like a giant lizard, ape wolf or crocodile? Did they party on down with some Slusho at some Kelvin name related establishment? These are the real questions.
Whose got any vodka? A drunk midget with no arms could write a better film than this.
Anyway.
Star Trek: Discovery (2017)
Boldly going where no strek TV show has gone before.....into the land of interesting
Well, at least butt hurt 'true' Star Wars fans are no longer alone in complaining about getting more of the thing they love because it's taken a different direction. As someone who has watched previous ST shows and found them, coupled with standard TV budget special effects, sitting between mildly interesting and boring as s@#t. This new iteration is a breath of fresh air if you don't self identify as being a 'true trekky' and you are looking for something a little different in your TV shows. Visuals superb, plot point nicely done, acting 9/10, set designs, cracking. The only downside to this whole thing is the whining 'true' fans who have dismissed this show after two episodes. congratulations, you are all now on par with 'true' Star Wars fans. Well done. Take a bow.
Ghost in the Shell (2017)
It is very much its own thing,
If you are a die hard fan of the Manga or the anime then I think this incarnation might not be to taste. It does borrow sequences from the 1995 film but thank god it is not a Watchmen style recreation. The world building was incredible and the film for me very much has its own atmosphere which I was not expecting but thoroughly enjoyed. The visuals and cinematography are superb. The plot is soft enough to not be wrapped in star wars prequelesque dialogue scenes but does start to skim the surface of philosophy of GITS. Whilst I love the 1995 film, some of the sequels and the SAC series for me there can be moments when the existential debate and discussion can be a bit long in the tooth, especially for a film adaptation that is attempting to bring the series to a wider audience. The casting debate for me was total nonsense and implies a massive ignorance in the origins of Kusanagi and the choice of a generic cyborg shell. I am actually quiet happy with the origin of this interpretation of the character. Making a runaway with concerns about technological integration into a cyborg was for me a nice touch. There isn't a real twist in this film, more of a gradual unravelling as to what is going on which is also nice. Films relying on a M. Night Shyamalan style twist and reveal can become tiresome as a plot device, so the slow unwinding of what is going on is satisfying. The prop work from WETA was first class and I would say only twice did the CG pull me from the film. I hope the numbers for this film pickup because it definitely does not deserve the 6.8 it is currently on. I also hope that maybe some of the die-hards will give it a chance as this could be a great starting point for a series.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
For me it was awesome.
The best thing about this film began with 'a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away' and ended with 'directed by J.J. Abrams'.
I think the worst thing about this film is coming on here and reading some of the negative comments from people who were probably never going to be happy with it. Come on fools, be happy! Its freaking Christmas for gods sake! Anyway, they have all probably bought a second ticket to hate some more.
If you go into this movie just expecting to watch a movie about a galaxy far far away then you will enjoy it. Its fast paced and it sets up the story for the trilogy nicely. I love the OT and the prequels missed the mark in execution hugely but for me had the story. The new trilogy needs to become an actual trilogy before the cluster haters take to it with force. Lets not forget that the OT is not entirely without sin. It had many bad moments and plot holes, but they are a set of films with a superb story and moral and if you let your eyes gloss over enough you can see past the holes. Both previous trilogies focus on Skywalkers and those near to them so is it so unexpected that the new films do as well. Anyone familiar with Jacen Solo (now Ben Solo) knows he turns to the dark side. Its a good and natural progression to go with, a powerful student who turns bad because of a poor teacher...just like his grandfather.
I can see the similarities and to be honest I simply don't care about them because they are thinly veiled and hark back to what I love about Star Wars. I just loved this film for what it is....a story that is enjoyable, not overly complex and that sets up two more films. A film which is a visual master-piece that blends real with CGI. A full size millennium falcon....I want to run around inside that thing! A story that leaves you asking loads of questions about the time in-between, about the new characters and whether Snoke is actually that feakin' big and will we see a yoda ghost! Or any Jedi ghost! And who is Rey related to? If not Luke then who? And Lor San Tekka, why did he have the map! God damn it....more questions!!! Love it!
Please just love that a group of people have allowed us to carry on in this story and universe for some more time.
As Cool as I Am (2013)
decent adaptation, but strays along way from the source.
This is at tops a TV movie designed for a Sunday afternoon when you have nothing better to do. It does stray along way from Pete Fromm's book which is considerably more intense and describes the falling apart of a family in greater detail than the film. The performances were OK, James Marsden and Claire Danes gave below par performances compared to their other work. Sarah Bolger carried the role of Lucy off nicely but for obvious reason didn't commit to the character 100%. For those interested it might be worth doing a search for a Matthew J. Clark short called 'Dry Rain' based on a short story by Pete Fromm.
If you do enjoy the film it is very much worth reading the book which goes into many of the implied topics in the film in greater detail.
Godzilla (2014)
We live in the age of the "reboot".
Iam calling it people. Its official. This is the age of the reboot. Some good (Star trek) some bad (this film).
Imagine every stereotyped cliché you could and throw it into a film. More precisely, throw it into this film. The old wise Asian guy making grand statements about man and nature, but in depth statement...Arnie one liner type statements. Wikipedia philosophy for the masses. then take the female lead....a skilled health practitioner who screams at the first sign of trouble and throws her child mercilessly onto a bus with strangers before running off some where...probably home to do the ironing and cook dinner for the...wait for it....attractive compassionate macho army guy male lead. He has a troubled child hood back story, he fights in wars as a big bad man, but he also likes to help children find their parents whilst he lets his own wife toss their child mercilessly onto a bus full of strangers....
Now the monster....who cares....I'm too busy laughing at the late 60's stereotypes being presented on the screen.
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
its a film Jim, but not as we know it.....
I am giving this film 8 because I was sat in comfy chair with stupid glasses on.
The Good - the story has been wrapped up and the films all link to together and in about a years time I will have 6 special edition box set DVD's on my shelf. The artwork is as usual flawless and some of the scenes are just breath taking. Some of the acting is fantastic.
The Bad - Legolases amazing Mario style brick jumping abilities (the expression on his faces "Sh@t..I am ACTUALLY doing this!) and joystick troll skills. An elf can do all that and still not get a peep at the hilariously bad love story with its woeful conclusion. Billy Connelly the CGI dwarf....from the team that brought you the complexities of Gollum they present you with CGI plastic Connelly....on a massive Goat. Honestly, G-Man from half life had more character in his expressions.
There are good parts and some glaring bad parts. In all it was a fun and enjoyable experience but it could have been done sooooo much better. The entire film just felt rushed and I, like many others, will be hoping the extended cut provides a more filling experience.
Battleship (2012)
Everything you could want in an action film.
So, your a super duper advanced race of hip-hop goatee wearing bald orange alien dudes and you have just had your planet not only attacked by a fantastic communications device that spews laser beams but which has also been horrifically named. Enough to annoy anyone. So off you set with 5 space craft armed only with mortar rounds, soldiers armed with tin openers and a special kind of glass covering the bridge of your ship that can remain structurally intact during deep space flight and atmospheric entry but is useless against the power of the bullets of a barrett 50 cal sniper rifle fired from the front end of a ship.
Anyway, en-route to said planet your only form of communication, a communications ship (who would have thought of putting some form of ET phone home mobile phone system on each one?!) is taken out, ironically by a satellite. Now, at this point you would have thought that seeing as you have gone to hassle of developing deep space flight and some form of advanced analytical radar system to work out where this mystical laser beam has come from and that it is in fact a deep space communications array...you would wack on the space brakes, about face and fly on over to it and send a signal to send in the rest of the fleet to destroy and plunder. If this would have happened, then this pointless yet Stallone level of epicness of an action film would have never have been made.
Other underlying themes are: 1) if your disabled you still have the power to beat aliens up. 2) if your old you still have a purpose and that purposes is to swear lots and to blow aliens up. 3) if your a woman you can crash cars to blow aliens up. 4) long seated cultural and political differences can be ignored to blow aliens up. 5) everyone looks cool with guns, but only if you are using them to blow aliens up. 6) rihanna can only defend herself when she is blowing aliens up. 7) English rock bands make the American navy look good when they are blowing aliens up.
and remember aliens if you arrive on this earth with advanced technologies that you have used to destroy your own planet in a barrage of what can only be nuclear weapons don't attack us with our simple weapons. No no, head to Miami with your cool floaty bouncy space boats and party with them ladies.