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Reviews
Romanzo criminale (2005)
Michele Plachido - Italy's Clint Eastwood?
... and by that, I mean a celebrated actor with a string of macho roles (Plachido's would be Corrado Cattani from "La Piovra") who becomes a director and makes well-crafted but unimaginative, by-the-book, predictable movies.
In this category, "Romanzo Criminale" easily takes the cake from "Gran Torino", taking on board every cinematic cliché it can. I hope someone catalogs them all; let me get the ball rolling with (a) Prostitute With A Heart Of Gold, (b) Lyrical Hero Dying On Church Steps, Viewed From Above, (c) Lyrical Hero's Girlfriend Not Knowing About His Life Of Crime, Heartbroken But Forgiving, after (d) Lyrical Hero Writes To Her From Prison Cell Every Day, (e) Lyrical Hero Suffering From a Fatal Disease That Does Nothing To Reduce His Smoking Looks, etc.
The reason that I remember Ice's story line best is that it's most heavily coated in cheese, and evokes the closest association with the films that "Romanzo Criminale" reminded me of - Russian "Brigada" and "Bumer". (Ice is a male-model version of Vladimir Vdovichenko's character in either). It can't be good when you see a 2008 film that feels derivative compared to a 10-year old Russian TV series, itself a cliché-ridden low-IQ wannabe. Oh Michele Plachido, why didn't you hire a real screenwriter?
At least he did a great job on casting; the actors (and especially actresses - Anna Mouglalis, who has the more interesting role, is a stand-out) are all great, elevating a run-of-the-mill film to a higher level.
Archangel (2005)
Slab of cheese
The best thing about this film is Daniel Craig, but even he cannot save this by-the-numbers made-for-TV slog. I wonder how many airport-fiction writers got inspired by 'Gorky Park' to write a 'Russian' thriller of their own, but this cannot be one of the better results.
The premise of post-Soviet Russia being obsessed by (or generally giving a s*** about) Stalin and being in danger of a Communist revolution lead by Joe Jr. is laughable. Little Stalin's short speech en route to Moscow - watch his gloved hands - must be one of the cheesiest moments in the history of cinema.
I hope that Russian actors had a good time participating in this silly production; I liked everyone involved, especially the memorable Communist honcho with a fake Russian last name - 'Mamantov' is really 'Mamontov', but who cares? - and the endearingly Ralph-Fiennes'ish 'good KGB guy'. Apart from Russian actors getting paid, another benefit to Russian economy has been the $200 or so that Archangel's director spent on cheap Lenin and Stalin busts and portraits, sprinkled generously all over the set. (Getting live bears proved too expensive, unfortunately).
In my opinion, the best line in the movie belongs not to Daniel Craig's character, Dr. Kelso - no relation to the Dr. Kelso from 'Scrubs' - but to a female colleague of his, who propositions the dashing historian with this memorable line: 'I have to get laid before I go back to Princeton'.
PS. No, she does not!!! What a waste!!! :)
Get Smart (2008)
Be smart, avoid this stinker
'Fantastically funny'? Really? I only watched 15-20 minutes of the movie before walking out, so it's possible that I missed all the good stuff, but somehow I don't recall anything funny in what I actually saw. A smug guy walking into a wall? How original. A person being bumped into by another person on the street, then by another one, and complaining about that? Wow, I did not see that coming. 'Eggs falling out of uterus'? Finally something not seen in 14,586 other films and run-of-the-mill sitcoms, if out-of-nowhere crass, but funny? Yikes.. (And the preceding conversation about Anne Hathaway's character being older than she looks: was it supposed to be funny, and why was it there at all?) I hoped that Bill Murray in the tree would be a good scene, but the cameo just fizzled out on its single, painfully predictable note. I went to see 'Get smart' for Steve Carell, but saw the Steve Carell of 'Evan Almighty', only way more bland and ordinary - a far cry from the 'man of intensity' of 'The Office'.