When you need something worse than American Ninja 1
14 June 1999
This is the pits. Absolutely the pits. If a picture says more than a thousand words, then writing "abysmal" 133,500,000 times should begin to touch the level that this movie is on. Brain death is a good place to start if you want to enjoy this pathetic dribble.

Stunts that would embarrass Matlock and a script that could frighten the writers of the Menthos commercials.

Apart from such elements as secret island ninja cults, the obligatory karate championship and the evil European-accent criminal mastermind, this manages to scrape the bottom of a barrel to a degree that even the original movie could not touch when it introduces such wonderfully realistic elements as genetically modified superninjas as a tool to terrorist generals and - here is something new and original - oil sheik arabs driving Mercedeses.

There is also a female ninja master who sees the light and is turned over to the "good side" and is wooed by the American ninja, as well as a comic relief sidekick, both of whom - and this is the only redeeming feature of the movie - die.

Apart from this, ninjas that are clearly made from alabaster, judging by how easy they snuff it, fighting sequences that lack any sort of power or punch (the female ninja is absolutely pathetic) and a piano "riff" that plays through every damn single fighting sequence to the point where you can feel it drilling through your ear drums.

Oh, and the credits song. "The Cobra Strikes". I am considering suing for aggravated assault.
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