*** SPOILERS. EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE IS TRUE AND REALLY HAPPENS IN THIS FILM ***
So, a badly acting kid's badly acting dad gets killed by some badly acting bad guys. For no apparent reason, badly acting kid teams up with Yoda or something, and learns one move badly from each of 87 different martial arts, while aging 25 years in about 6 years of movie time, becoming a badly acting short guy with a hypnotically Big Head.
After that, things go downhill rapidly. For no apparent reason, badly acting masked ninjas jump out of nowhere and attack people, badly, to the accompaniment of four piano notes played up-up-up-up,down-down-down-down over and over and over. Yoda is kidnapped, probably, it's kind of hard to tell, he was acting so badly.
Badly acting Big Head Guy is joined by the ubiquitous badly acting Strong Guy and badly acting Red Shirt Guy. More ninjas attack them badly, or it could be the same five identically dressed ninjas taking turns to crawl off screen and then leap out of elevators, outhouses, fridges etc. Strong Guy takes his shirt off a lot. Some badly acting people unwisely try to introduce a plot about something, I dunno what, there's flashing lights and needles and Fourth Reich kinda guys, then some woman pulls off a mask and WOW! she's really old Mr Jones from the abandoned amusement park, and some more ninjas attack people very badly indeed, and make "whoosh-SMACK!" noises, and then aliens attack and Will Smith blows them up KA-BOOM! but then Darth cuts off Luke's hand, and he's all like "Aargh, I have no hand!", and old Mr Jones uses the Force to heal Big Head guy's soul and Will Smith pulls off his mask and he's really Joan Cusack but with Yoda's beard, and at that point I woke up and thought "MAN, that was a wierd dream", but then back in the movie, Big Head guy turned into the hulk or something, and I realised that my fevered imagination really has nothing on the guy who wrote "American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt".
So, a badly acting kid's badly acting dad gets killed by some badly acting bad guys. For no apparent reason, badly acting kid teams up with Yoda or something, and learns one move badly from each of 87 different martial arts, while aging 25 years in about 6 years of movie time, becoming a badly acting short guy with a hypnotically Big Head.
After that, things go downhill rapidly. For no apparent reason, badly acting masked ninjas jump out of nowhere and attack people, badly, to the accompaniment of four piano notes played up-up-up-up,down-down-down-down over and over and over. Yoda is kidnapped, probably, it's kind of hard to tell, he was acting so badly.
Badly acting Big Head Guy is joined by the ubiquitous badly acting Strong Guy and badly acting Red Shirt Guy. More ninjas attack them badly, or it could be the same five identically dressed ninjas taking turns to crawl off screen and then leap out of elevators, outhouses, fridges etc. Strong Guy takes his shirt off a lot. Some badly acting people unwisely try to introduce a plot about something, I dunno what, there's flashing lights and needles and Fourth Reich kinda guys, then some woman pulls off a mask and WOW! she's really old Mr Jones from the abandoned amusement park, and some more ninjas attack people very badly indeed, and make "whoosh-SMACK!" noises, and then aliens attack and Will Smith blows them up KA-BOOM! but then Darth cuts off Luke's hand, and he's all like "Aargh, I have no hand!", and old Mr Jones uses the Force to heal Big Head guy's soul and Will Smith pulls off his mask and he's really Joan Cusack but with Yoda's beard, and at that point I woke up and thought "MAN, that was a wierd dream", but then back in the movie, Big Head guy turned into the hulk or something, and I realised that my fevered imagination really has nothing on the guy who wrote "American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt".