SPOILERS. Clooney seems like an actor of modest talent but an affable guy, whose part here could have been handled by Willis. Kidman probably has more range and is definitely more decorative. (Her nose seems to have been professionally drafted by someone with a set of transparent plastic French curves.) Iures is frankly charismatic, on the order of Yves Montand, and is the only character given any developmental background. That is to say, the performances aren't bad -- but the movie is. Where to begin.
1. We meet Clooney at a Senate hearing while he is being asked to account for his arrest during a fist fight in a saloon in the company of a foreign spy and a prostitute. He's one of those roguish wisecracking mavericks we are supposed to like immediately. (In case you don't like fist fights, foreign spies, or whores, he has an explanation that absolves him of depraved tastes.)
2. The dialogue is ineffable. "We've got AUTHORIZATION, boys! Let's ROCK AND ROLL!"
3. The writers were unsure of who to pin the blame on so they spread the guilt around generously. There are the Russians of course, since we can't seem to get over the Cold War. And then the German are shown hard at work doing evil, a stretch, true, but still World War II was no pink tea. The chief villain describes himself as a Serb, a Croat, and a Moslem. Iraq is brought up in the first few minutes, and the stolen nukes are headed towards Iraq. North Korea was not invited to the party.
4. The action scenes were I'm sure generated by computer. A truck entering a bridge is blasted by a helicopter, swerves wildly, knocking down utility poles and whipping around cables that emit sparkling fountains, before finally smashing through the railing and being jolted to a halt by the cables now wrapped around its axle. Clooney is dropped onto the truck bed by cable from a helicopter. A surving villain knocks the pistol out of his hand and we get the obligatory shot of it skidding across the floor out of reach. Another fist fight while the cables snap their stops one by one and the truck dips farther off the edge of the bridge. (Cf., the elevator scene at the beginning of "Speed.") The helicopter crew decides the truck is about to take its final nose dive and they yank Clooney back up, but the cable was somehow wrapped around his neck and is strangling him, so he whips out a knife and cuts the metal cable in one swipe. He drops back into the truck, finishes off the heavy, saves the stolen nukes, and the truck finally pulls loose of its encumberances and drops towards the gorge below, exploding halfway down, and leaving a Harvard-educated Pakistani astrophysicist dangling from a bridge girder. (None of this is made up, I swear.)
5. Clooney, Kidman, and an accomplice complete a dangerous theft and make off happily in their car. The accomplice mentions that they are in an embassy car so it's armor plated and has bulletproof windows. I leave you to guess whether this datum turns out to be important in the next 60 seconds.
6. Those cars skidding and twirling and pirouetting along the rain-slick streets of Vienna, the driver, Clooney, having presumably learned his skills at the feet of Remi Julian or however it's spelled.
7. Iures intends to explode a nuke at the UN Building but is wounded and goes to ground a few blocks away. Clooney poses the perfectly reasonable question of why Iures just doesn't blow the thing up now, since it will "take out half of New York City." Kidman shouts back, "You don't UNDERSTAND. That's not what he wants. He wants his death to MEAN something!" Well, you can tell just from this exchange that Iures is a man of no mean principle. Looked at pragmatically, a few hundred yards would make little difference, and nobody would be left alive to tell whether Iures had reached his goal or not anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, number eight. Thank you.
8. Iures is now dead on the altar but his warhead or whatever it is is timed to go off in a few minutes. We know this because there is a red digital readout that tells us how much time is left. All exploding devices have red digital readouts. Why? That's a deeply profound question. Kidman must figure out how to disarm the primer so that only the pre-primer will explode (or something). She hacks at the fiendish device with fingernails, screwdriver, and pistol butt, while Clooney counts aloud the number of seconds remaining. "Nine. Eight. Hurry up! Seven." Doing the countdown in a situation like this, it's true, is a dirty and thankless task, but somebody's got to do it!
My mind is so benumbed by exposure to radiation leakage that I can no longer count past eight. I don't think the producers of this piece of derivative stereotypical commercial garbage could either, unless the number were preceded by a dollar sign.
1. We meet Clooney at a Senate hearing while he is being asked to account for his arrest during a fist fight in a saloon in the company of a foreign spy and a prostitute. He's one of those roguish wisecracking mavericks we are supposed to like immediately. (In case you don't like fist fights, foreign spies, or whores, he has an explanation that absolves him of depraved tastes.)
2. The dialogue is ineffable. "We've got AUTHORIZATION, boys! Let's ROCK AND ROLL!"
3. The writers were unsure of who to pin the blame on so they spread the guilt around generously. There are the Russians of course, since we can't seem to get over the Cold War. And then the German are shown hard at work doing evil, a stretch, true, but still World War II was no pink tea. The chief villain describes himself as a Serb, a Croat, and a Moslem. Iraq is brought up in the first few minutes, and the stolen nukes are headed towards Iraq. North Korea was not invited to the party.
4. The action scenes were I'm sure generated by computer. A truck entering a bridge is blasted by a helicopter, swerves wildly, knocking down utility poles and whipping around cables that emit sparkling fountains, before finally smashing through the railing and being jolted to a halt by the cables now wrapped around its axle. Clooney is dropped onto the truck bed by cable from a helicopter. A surving villain knocks the pistol out of his hand and we get the obligatory shot of it skidding across the floor out of reach. Another fist fight while the cables snap their stops one by one and the truck dips farther off the edge of the bridge. (Cf., the elevator scene at the beginning of "Speed.") The helicopter crew decides the truck is about to take its final nose dive and they yank Clooney back up, but the cable was somehow wrapped around his neck and is strangling him, so he whips out a knife and cuts the metal cable in one swipe. He drops back into the truck, finishes off the heavy, saves the stolen nukes, and the truck finally pulls loose of its encumberances and drops towards the gorge below, exploding halfway down, and leaving a Harvard-educated Pakistani astrophysicist dangling from a bridge girder. (None of this is made up, I swear.)
5. Clooney, Kidman, and an accomplice complete a dangerous theft and make off happily in their car. The accomplice mentions that they are in an embassy car so it's armor plated and has bulletproof windows. I leave you to guess whether this datum turns out to be important in the next 60 seconds.
6. Those cars skidding and twirling and pirouetting along the rain-slick streets of Vienna, the driver, Clooney, having presumably learned his skills at the feet of Remi Julian or however it's spelled.
7. Iures intends to explode a nuke at the UN Building but is wounded and goes to ground a few blocks away. Clooney poses the perfectly reasonable question of why Iures just doesn't blow the thing up now, since it will "take out half of New York City." Kidman shouts back, "You don't UNDERSTAND. That's not what he wants. He wants his death to MEAN something!" Well, you can tell just from this exchange that Iures is a man of no mean principle. Looked at pragmatically, a few hundred yards would make little difference, and nobody would be left alive to tell whether Iures had reached his goal or not anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, number eight. Thank you.
8. Iures is now dead on the altar but his warhead or whatever it is is timed to go off in a few minutes. We know this because there is a red digital readout that tells us how much time is left. All exploding devices have red digital readouts. Why? That's a deeply profound question. Kidman must figure out how to disarm the primer so that only the pre-primer will explode (or something). She hacks at the fiendish device with fingernails, screwdriver, and pistol butt, while Clooney counts aloud the number of seconds remaining. "Nine. Eight. Hurry up! Seven." Doing the countdown in a situation like this, it's true, is a dirty and thankless task, but somebody's got to do it!
My mind is so benumbed by exposure to radiation leakage that I can no longer count past eight. I don't think the producers of this piece of derivative stereotypical commercial garbage could either, unless the number were preceded by a dollar sign.