"Varsity Blues" is a tedious, shallow and formulaic tale of small town high school football hijinks wherein the adults are even more developmentally disabled than the hormone-crazed teenagers they've produced.
The film manages to encompass just about every cliché endemic to this well-worn genre. There is, for instance, the maniacal coach, driving his players to dangerous extremes on the field and circumventing sound medical advice for his own personal glory; the overbearing fathers obsessively attempting to recapture their former glory through their pumped-up progeny; the crybaby fat boy who throws up buckets of food at the seemingly numberless drunken orgies the boys participate in; the sensible boy whose head is not turned by sudden fame and fortune; and the supportive football-hating girlfriend who tries to keep her sweetie in tow despite his sudden ascension to the rank of football hero. All this doesn't take into account the bubbleheaded sexpot sex ed teacher who moonlights at the local strip joint; the befuddled cops; the drunken, smart-mouthed jock who hijacks a cop car and spends the evening joyriding through town with a bevy of naked, nubile girls from the neighborhood; or the horny young lady who dresses down and splashes on a whipped cream bikini only to be rejected by the pure-in-heart hero.
Then we arrive at the final game and the unconvincing showdown between the villainous coach and the righteously rebellious players led by the hero Moxon. Who will be victorious? If you have to ask, perhaps this is your first time at one of these movies. As this is an MTV movie production, the football scenes are, of course, pumped up with a blaring rock soundtrack that tries in vain to get the adrenalin flowing or the emotions charged. The major hindrance to this film comes down to the simple fact that none of these characters or situations convey the slightest aura of reality or believability.
For a far better, struggling-to-get-out-of-small-town-America film, check out 1999's "October Sky" or 1983's "All The Right Moves."
The film manages to encompass just about every cliché endemic to this well-worn genre. There is, for instance, the maniacal coach, driving his players to dangerous extremes on the field and circumventing sound medical advice for his own personal glory; the overbearing fathers obsessively attempting to recapture their former glory through their pumped-up progeny; the crybaby fat boy who throws up buckets of food at the seemingly numberless drunken orgies the boys participate in; the sensible boy whose head is not turned by sudden fame and fortune; and the supportive football-hating girlfriend who tries to keep her sweetie in tow despite his sudden ascension to the rank of football hero. All this doesn't take into account the bubbleheaded sexpot sex ed teacher who moonlights at the local strip joint; the befuddled cops; the drunken, smart-mouthed jock who hijacks a cop car and spends the evening joyriding through town with a bevy of naked, nubile girls from the neighborhood; or the horny young lady who dresses down and splashes on a whipped cream bikini only to be rejected by the pure-in-heart hero.
Then we arrive at the final game and the unconvincing showdown between the villainous coach and the righteously rebellious players led by the hero Moxon. Who will be victorious? If you have to ask, perhaps this is your first time at one of these movies. As this is an MTV movie production, the football scenes are, of course, pumped up with a blaring rock soundtrack that tries in vain to get the adrenalin flowing or the emotions charged. The major hindrance to this film comes down to the simple fact that none of these characters or situations convey the slightest aura of reality or believability.
For a far better, struggling-to-get-out-of-small-town-America film, check out 1999's "October Sky" or 1983's "All The Right Moves."