***Spoilers!!*** Specific plots points are discussed herein!!
An ice age sneaks up on North America akin to a bad cold front. Our hero is LAPD bad boy Robert Drake, played by Grant Show of `Melrose Place' fame. Grant Show's IMDB bio starts off `Never really considered acting a profession.' Really? The writing is along the same lines as the acting. There is this racial tension between this cop and Kelvin the black guy that has clearly been written by middle class dudes as white as the snow. Speaking of race, the Hispanic sidekick of our LAPD hero is named Zapata. What, that's like the only Mexican name they could come up with? Viva Zapata! Or not in this case since the mysterious Dr. Kistler shows up and shoots Zapata 10 minutes into the film. So we got t he black dude ex- con and a dead Mexican cop sidekick named Zapata so we are pretty much covered on racial diversity thing in LA right? Lets move on.
Dr. Kistler must be uber important since a submarine is all preset to come take him to someplace warmer. So important that he drives a 1978 Volvo and has three sheets of paper in his brief case. It's an email print out that says meet the submarine in Malibu and a color Xerox of the earth and that days shooting schedule. They had $3.00 for props I guess.
Not as lucky as the good doctor, the President is back at the White House standing in front of a picture of Washington crossing the Delaware. An aid says they have to leave DC now or they will die if they stay in the capital so the president waxes on about Washington's surprise Christmas Eve attack of the British. What does this have to do with this story? Nothing, other than it was cold then too apparently. Speaking of cold, are hero Robert Drake wears jeans, tennis shoes and a leather jacket. Clearly he's an LA native, but c'mon.
Dr. Kistler, the cop with his son, girlfriend, ex-wife, her husband and ex-con Kelvin track across LA to meet up with the sub. Thankfully the LAPD has this giant snow mobile tracker although it doesn't run very well. There is this side story where they pull the broken down snow tracker into a bank and meet this rich couple. A rich couple in the bank. Get it? The rich guy tells this story about his father who donated money to a hospital and had a wing named after him, but when they went there during this freak cold so the wife could have a baby the hospital turns them away due to lack of space. The rich guy is glad that his money wasn't wasted on such philanthropic pursuits and that it is here, in cash, at the bank so they can make a fire with it. This is symbolic for something I'm sure. Don't donate your money to good causes or screenplay writing classes maybe? Oh god, the frostbite is entering my brain.
Eventually our band of Angelinos makes it to the sub prescheduled to pick up Dr. Kistler in Malibu. Dr. Kistler was killed a couple scenes ago, so someone else pretends to be him. Who notices right? 'I left my driver's license back at the lab with my briefcase with three sheets of paper in it.' This doctor is so important the sub is here for him but no one knows who he is or what he looks like. `I'm doctor so and so,' someone else from the group says and that's that.
Once they scam their way onto the sub, they have to convince the captain to allow them to go back and pick up our main hero Robert Drake who got shot in the leg a mile back. There is a emotional scene, `we aren't leaving without this boys father blah, blah, blah.' Without reflecting on the hundreds of millions of Americans already turned in popsicles, the captain says OK, you can have the snowmobiles for...whatever cliché .45 minutes, and then we are leaving with or without you. The sub is waiting 45 minutes surfaced to see if the get any new instructions. Like what, go pick up Dr. Kevorkian next? We already found previously in the film there is no government or chain of command so who they waiting to hear from is beside the point because you're thinking too much kind viewer. 45 minutes, then they are leaving -GOT IT! Hurry! Hurry! Oh dear sweet Lord, please don't leave our hero Robert Drake die with that copy of Dante's Inferno in the broken down snow tracker. Get this- Dante's Inferno -cuz hell can not only be hot, but also really cold and icy LIKE IN THIS MOVIE! Do you get it? Should I explain it again?
Do they make it back to the sub in time? Who cares? The most memorable line is from Dr. Kistler in the bank scene, `But I need another blanket, I'm cold!' Me too doc, I've just flat lined from watching this silly mess.
An ice age sneaks up on North America akin to a bad cold front. Our hero is LAPD bad boy Robert Drake, played by Grant Show of `Melrose Place' fame. Grant Show's IMDB bio starts off `Never really considered acting a profession.' Really? The writing is along the same lines as the acting. There is this racial tension between this cop and Kelvin the black guy that has clearly been written by middle class dudes as white as the snow. Speaking of race, the Hispanic sidekick of our LAPD hero is named Zapata. What, that's like the only Mexican name they could come up with? Viva Zapata! Or not in this case since the mysterious Dr. Kistler shows up and shoots Zapata 10 minutes into the film. So we got t he black dude ex- con and a dead Mexican cop sidekick named Zapata so we are pretty much covered on racial diversity thing in LA right? Lets move on.
Dr. Kistler must be uber important since a submarine is all preset to come take him to someplace warmer. So important that he drives a 1978 Volvo and has three sheets of paper in his brief case. It's an email print out that says meet the submarine in Malibu and a color Xerox of the earth and that days shooting schedule. They had $3.00 for props I guess.
Not as lucky as the good doctor, the President is back at the White House standing in front of a picture of Washington crossing the Delaware. An aid says they have to leave DC now or they will die if they stay in the capital so the president waxes on about Washington's surprise Christmas Eve attack of the British. What does this have to do with this story? Nothing, other than it was cold then too apparently. Speaking of cold, are hero Robert Drake wears jeans, tennis shoes and a leather jacket. Clearly he's an LA native, but c'mon.
Dr. Kistler, the cop with his son, girlfriend, ex-wife, her husband and ex-con Kelvin track across LA to meet up with the sub. Thankfully the LAPD has this giant snow mobile tracker although it doesn't run very well. There is this side story where they pull the broken down snow tracker into a bank and meet this rich couple. A rich couple in the bank. Get it? The rich guy tells this story about his father who donated money to a hospital and had a wing named after him, but when they went there during this freak cold so the wife could have a baby the hospital turns them away due to lack of space. The rich guy is glad that his money wasn't wasted on such philanthropic pursuits and that it is here, in cash, at the bank so they can make a fire with it. This is symbolic for something I'm sure. Don't donate your money to good causes or screenplay writing classes maybe? Oh god, the frostbite is entering my brain.
Eventually our band of Angelinos makes it to the sub prescheduled to pick up Dr. Kistler in Malibu. Dr. Kistler was killed a couple scenes ago, so someone else pretends to be him. Who notices right? 'I left my driver's license back at the lab with my briefcase with three sheets of paper in it.' This doctor is so important the sub is here for him but no one knows who he is or what he looks like. `I'm doctor so and so,' someone else from the group says and that's that.
Once they scam their way onto the sub, they have to convince the captain to allow them to go back and pick up our main hero Robert Drake who got shot in the leg a mile back. There is a emotional scene, `we aren't leaving without this boys father blah, blah, blah.' Without reflecting on the hundreds of millions of Americans already turned in popsicles, the captain says OK, you can have the snowmobiles for...whatever cliché .45 minutes, and then we are leaving with or without you. The sub is waiting 45 minutes surfaced to see if the get any new instructions. Like what, go pick up Dr. Kevorkian next? We already found previously in the film there is no government or chain of command so who they waiting to hear from is beside the point because you're thinking too much kind viewer. 45 minutes, then they are leaving -GOT IT! Hurry! Hurry! Oh dear sweet Lord, please don't leave our hero Robert Drake die with that copy of Dante's Inferno in the broken down snow tracker. Get this- Dante's Inferno -cuz hell can not only be hot, but also really cold and icy LIKE IN THIS MOVIE! Do you get it? Should I explain it again?
Do they make it back to the sub in time? Who cares? The most memorable line is from Dr. Kistler in the bank scene, `But I need another blanket, I'm cold!' Me too doc, I've just flat lined from watching this silly mess.