The Collectors (1999 TV Movie)
3/10
Unintentionally humorous crime thriller
28 March 2000
Some unintentionally humorous dialogue and a pretty neat plot twist barely save this Canadian-American crime thriller from obscurity and an early grave. Staged in the Big Apple, the titular characters - contract killers Casper Van Dien and Rick Fox - stalk assorted "prey" for their Louisiana boss, all the while trying to elude the NYPD (led by Daniel Pilon) and a renegade cop (Catherine Oxenberg) from the Big Easy. Are Oxenberg and Van Dien romantically linked? Will Van Dien ever retire from his bloody business? Does anyone really care?

Director Sidney Furie tries to generate sympathy for his stone-faced players, but Van Dien ("Starship Troopers") and Oxenberg ("Lair of the White Worm") were never known for their sensitive performances. Some dreadfully ham-fisted screenwriting doesn't help either. If you want some real action leavened with humor, try "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead," "Pulp Fiction" or even "The Big Hit."
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