Review of Urbania

Urbania (2000)
1/10
Utter Dreck
15 March 2001
This is the worst serious movie I have seen in years. It's non-narrative exists on a continuum between boring and loathesome. Follow lonely Charlie as he goes from practicing the, uh, "solitary sin" while his noisy neighbors have sex, to picking up strange men for anonymous sex, to running into his noisy neighbors at a bar and insulting them, to searching for the homophobe who terrorized him in the past....

If you like homoerotic sex scenes, you MIGHT be able to withstand the long, talky, weepy scenes that separate them, scenes in which men talk sensitively with one another about their feelings, their relationships, their disappointments, about "us, what we had." This movie is Oprah with chest hair. The dialogue is not witty; it is persistently unclever, despite the attempts at spooky subtleties, and the corner-of-the-eye observations of urban legends (the point of which remains obscure).

Here's an example of the shamefully trite dialogue the filmmakers torment us with. Charlie and his anonymous pickup are lying in bed, and Charlie confides, "I'm afraid that if I stay in your space, you'll be in my dreams." Really! BARF! Soap opera pablum.

Charlie finds the "friend" he is looking for, a vicious homophobe who, OF COURSE, is really a gay who hasn't acknowledged this to himself yet...Yes, THAT old cliche. I really can't say more without giving the ending away...let me just say that when you think this movie can't get any more loathesome, it does. And then it goes back to boring.

This movie is a real dog. Do yourself a favor: Spend two hours watching roadkill rot instead.
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