New York Minute (I) (2004)
1/10
Standard Direct to Video Fair on the Big Screen
4 May 2004
Review of New York Minute:

I'll be the first to admit that I don't think I was a great choice to review this film. I have absolutely no concept as to what has made these twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, so popular in our current culture. For my tastes, they're a pair of pretty hot girls who happen to look like each other. I can't really judge their acting talents other than the fact that they've played exactly the same roles in everything they've done after Full House. I don't think their acting really makes a difference though.

My major problem with this movie isn't that I don't get who it's aimed at, it is that making the big leap from direct-to-video to the big screen should require a bit more discipline and originality than this movie chooses to explore. New York Minute is the story of (GASP!) a pair of twins, each of whom is very different. Jane Ryan (Ashley Olsen) is a very pretentious, anal retentive Republican, who insists on playing mother for her sister and her father. Roxy Ryan (Mary-Kate Olsen) is the typical rebellious type: she's a drummer who skips school to hang out with friends and go to video shoots. She drives like a crazy women, and generally makes her sister's life a living hell. This juxtaposition between them can only lead to conflict, and indeed, on the trip into New York City from Long Island, they both get booted off the train after making a fool of themselves arguing back and forth. Mayhem ensues.

The plot really isn't an issue to me. Everyone knows going in that this is going to be a vehicle for the two twins to act ridiculous, dumb, ultra cool, and in the end, come together after being separated. This is the same fare they've been passing out on videos for years. The problem with this movie is that they are growing up, and behaving more like young adults their own age. I don't think, however, that 18 year old girls really like this stuff, as it is pretty juvenile in both its sense of humor and its drama. It's like watching Full House for 90 minutes, but switching occasionally over to MTV. At some points it's wholesome and fun, and other times the girls look and behave rather slutty. I don't know if this is appropriate for all the little girls I saw in the theater during the test screening. They are nine and ten years old, and they idolize these twins, but this movie is a little too adult for that idolatry. Some of the basic subplots consist of kidnapping, copying pirated DVDs and music, and breaking into a hotel room. The girls have also come full fledged in accepting their sexuality, and a scene with the two of them in the hotel room, set to No Doubt's `Hey Baby', and shot in slow motion might interest us men, but I don't think it's the right message for the younger audience. Not to say that they can't grow up, but if they want to act their age, they need to make a movie with appropriate themes for an audience who can relate to them.

Without something different to work with, this movie is just a mess. In giving the audience nothing more than another `Olsen Twin' movie, they haven't really done anything that people haven't seen 20 times before. I know that this movie couldn't have been good to me, but at leas it could have been marginally more creative then what they've been producing all these years. At least they didn't try and set the single father up with anyone.

The supporting cast is worthless. Andy Richter and Eugene Levy go through the motions, and for my money, neither of they `boys' is very cute. The ending is a disaster, and even at 90 minutes, the film feels like it goes on for about 20 minutes too long.

All in all, this film is a train wreck, only salvaged by their quirky performances and the occasionally soft-core pornographic moment for the 16-35 year old males. There is no reason to see this, as there are certainly better movies out for kids right now.
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