This is far worse than "The Brothers Grimm" (TBG). TBG was leaden, a waste of talent and resources, but it was obviously a fantasy.
This movie, "Noel," is a slow train wreck speeded up to fit into 90 minutes in attempt to be a Hallmark movie. At first you think, "Susan Sarandon, Alan Arkin, Penelope Cruz, and a cameo by a well-known comic - what could go wrong." And then the story starts. And then you know just what *can* go wrong in a movie that, admittedly, has high production values - great photography, lighting, sound. Beautiful people. A New York City that is uncrowded at Christmas, and lightly dusted with snow and ice but no garbage, graffiti, or street people anywhere. Why, you can even step out onto a busy street to hail a cab, and (this is the real fantasy) you get one within 2 seconds.
*** s p o i l e r a l e r t *** Susan Sarandon is a successful book editor who, after 20 or so years decides that she can't go on because...well, just because. Fortunately for her, even though she is fast approaching mandatory retirement, one of the best-looking young men in the office falls for her, even though he does *not* say, "You remind me of my mother," because we don't want to bring in any allusions to the Jocasta complex, although when they have their first and only kiss, you're thinking, "ugh." She also either lies or tells stories to just about everyone she meets, so when she tells a story about her stillborn daughter who was born and died on Christmas Day, you think, "Is this a story, or is this a moment of emotional revelation?" But you really don't care, because it's told to win the door prize of the fake Christmas tree on top of the piano in a cheap bar (I am not making this up). Alan Arkin is a crazy Greek restaurant owner who sees his dead wife reappear in young men. (I am not making this up.) Penelope Cruz falls for a violent, jealous man who promises over and over again to change, "and this time I mean it" so of course it will all work out. This proves that extremely beautiful women are both stupid and unable to find competent, emotionally stable men. Paul Walker is a police officer with a violent temper, a gun, and no one to point out that this is an unfortunate combination, but as he makes wonderful promises, of course this is not an issue. This proves that when violent men are policemen who love beautiful women, everything is OK, but if they do *not* love beautiful women, they are supporting cast members of "Serpico." The lives of these people weave together in strange and uncanny ways. Paul Walker breaks a Christmas angel; Alan Arkin gives a Christmas angel, and Susan Sarandon hangs a Christmas angel. There is also another story that wanders in here that involves Marcus Thomas, but it could be cut from the film and the effect of the film would be no different. (Except it would be shorter, so perhaps it would be slightly better.) This subplot also involves a snow globe with a snow man and not an angel, which I think shows either continuity problems or a slow day at Woolworths.
I've seen Susan Sarandon and Alan Arkin in films that were essentially harmless and perhaps even beneath their talents, but all along, I've loved to watch them. Penelope Cruz is, frankly, beautiful to watch.
This makes this movie all the more painful to watch, because you see talented, good-looking people speaking lines that you and they both know are unbelievable.
This movie, "Noel," is a slow train wreck speeded up to fit into 90 minutes in attempt to be a Hallmark movie. At first you think, "Susan Sarandon, Alan Arkin, Penelope Cruz, and a cameo by a well-known comic - what could go wrong." And then the story starts. And then you know just what *can* go wrong in a movie that, admittedly, has high production values - great photography, lighting, sound. Beautiful people. A New York City that is uncrowded at Christmas, and lightly dusted with snow and ice but no garbage, graffiti, or street people anywhere. Why, you can even step out onto a busy street to hail a cab, and (this is the real fantasy) you get one within 2 seconds.
*** s p o i l e r a l e r t *** Susan Sarandon is a successful book editor who, after 20 or so years decides that she can't go on because...well, just because. Fortunately for her, even though she is fast approaching mandatory retirement, one of the best-looking young men in the office falls for her, even though he does *not* say, "You remind me of my mother," because we don't want to bring in any allusions to the Jocasta complex, although when they have their first and only kiss, you're thinking, "ugh." She also either lies or tells stories to just about everyone she meets, so when she tells a story about her stillborn daughter who was born and died on Christmas Day, you think, "Is this a story, or is this a moment of emotional revelation?" But you really don't care, because it's told to win the door prize of the fake Christmas tree on top of the piano in a cheap bar (I am not making this up). Alan Arkin is a crazy Greek restaurant owner who sees his dead wife reappear in young men. (I am not making this up.) Penelope Cruz falls for a violent, jealous man who promises over and over again to change, "and this time I mean it" so of course it will all work out. This proves that extremely beautiful women are both stupid and unable to find competent, emotionally stable men. Paul Walker is a police officer with a violent temper, a gun, and no one to point out that this is an unfortunate combination, but as he makes wonderful promises, of course this is not an issue. This proves that when violent men are policemen who love beautiful women, everything is OK, but if they do *not* love beautiful women, they are supporting cast members of "Serpico." The lives of these people weave together in strange and uncanny ways. Paul Walker breaks a Christmas angel; Alan Arkin gives a Christmas angel, and Susan Sarandon hangs a Christmas angel. There is also another story that wanders in here that involves Marcus Thomas, but it could be cut from the film and the effect of the film would be no different. (Except it would be shorter, so perhaps it would be slightly better.) This subplot also involves a snow globe with a snow man and not an angel, which I think shows either continuity problems or a slow day at Woolworths.
I've seen Susan Sarandon and Alan Arkin in films that were essentially harmless and perhaps even beneath their talents, but all along, I've loved to watch them. Penelope Cruz is, frankly, beautiful to watch.
This makes this movie all the more painful to watch, because you see talented, good-looking people speaking lines that you and they both know are unbelievable.