I like "Andre the Butcher". I really do.
And I'm not a plant, or a crew member, or one of the actors, or a sniveling jerk who enjoys the anonymous superiority of mean-spirited bad-mouthing on a flick's message board...but I'll tell you what I am: A life-long fan of horror films.
I am. So much so, that I'd even ask Clive Turner to sign my Fango #134. Seriously. Which can only mean that I am not only extremely forgiving, but also ridiculously undemanding. Of my enjoyment of horror films, that is. I'm not even gonna compare "Andre..." to other direct to video fare. Since when has a horror movie deserved that? Excuse me for invoking a cliché; but do any of us really put "The Exorcist" and "Slumber Party Massacre 2" back to back and discuss the parallels of their merits and letdowns? Theoretically, of course; we all know "Slumber Party Massacre 2" has no faults. Gosh, look me, going on and on. Okay, here we go: 10 THINGS I LIKE ABOUT "ANDRE THE BUTCHER" (...in no particular order. Bear with me if you can...) 1) The lack of pretension. Thank God, Phil Cruz isn't a moralist, that's all I'll say.
2) The fake-ass spider.
3) Justin Capaz as Jimbo...allow me to direct your attention to this character. And allow me to remind you of two other characters from two other horror films: Grady in "Freddy's Revenge" and the @$$hole Boyfriend in "Slumber Party Massacre 2". Three brilliant actors? Quite possibly.
4) Fast pace. You think it moves to slow? It's because you just looove the indie cred of digging newer Troma movies.
5) Fat people dying because they love to eat.
6) Jumping from behind a tree into karate stance with a boner.
7) Body double.
8) I happen to think the "It's Good!" joke is very funny.
9) "No nudity clause" 10) Holy urine.
Like I said, I'm not too demanding. And maybe it has to do with the fact that I wasn't sitting by myself after renting this thing. I didn't pop it into my DVD player and fast-forward after two seconds, and I didn't drool over my remote at "half-mast" waiting for the sex scenes only to be disappointed at their lack of any real sexuality, thus holding a grudge over a flick for it not allowing me to get off. In fact, if I had any advice to give some particularly vitriolic reviewers of this movie, or lonely people the world over--rent "Teenage Cavegirl". Seriously. That'll do it for you.
Look, obviously I don't need much to enjoy myself. A little blood, a little boobs, an explosion and a fake-ass spider. And if that's what you want, you'll probably dig "Andre the Butcher". You certainly won't get it in "Pledge Night". Sorry, I'm starting to sound like Subovon from Houston.
Guys, check this movie out. Support independent film, and if you can make a better movie, please do! We'd all love to see it. And I mean that in the most heartfelt, honest way. In fact, most of us will probably even help you make it. Because if there's anything we life-long horror fans of horror love, it's more horror movies to be life-long fans of.
And that rhymes.
And I'm not a plant, or a crew member, or one of the actors, or a sniveling jerk who enjoys the anonymous superiority of mean-spirited bad-mouthing on a flick's message board...but I'll tell you what I am: A life-long fan of horror films.
I am. So much so, that I'd even ask Clive Turner to sign my Fango #134. Seriously. Which can only mean that I am not only extremely forgiving, but also ridiculously undemanding. Of my enjoyment of horror films, that is. I'm not even gonna compare "Andre..." to other direct to video fare. Since when has a horror movie deserved that? Excuse me for invoking a cliché; but do any of us really put "The Exorcist" and "Slumber Party Massacre 2" back to back and discuss the parallels of their merits and letdowns? Theoretically, of course; we all know "Slumber Party Massacre 2" has no faults. Gosh, look me, going on and on. Okay, here we go: 10 THINGS I LIKE ABOUT "ANDRE THE BUTCHER" (...in no particular order. Bear with me if you can...) 1) The lack of pretension. Thank God, Phil Cruz isn't a moralist, that's all I'll say.
2) The fake-ass spider.
3) Justin Capaz as Jimbo...allow me to direct your attention to this character. And allow me to remind you of two other characters from two other horror films: Grady in "Freddy's Revenge" and the @$$hole Boyfriend in "Slumber Party Massacre 2". Three brilliant actors? Quite possibly.
4) Fast pace. You think it moves to slow? It's because you just looove the indie cred of digging newer Troma movies.
5) Fat people dying because they love to eat.
6) Jumping from behind a tree into karate stance with a boner.
7) Body double.
8) I happen to think the "It's Good!" joke is very funny.
9) "No nudity clause" 10) Holy urine.
Like I said, I'm not too demanding. And maybe it has to do with the fact that I wasn't sitting by myself after renting this thing. I didn't pop it into my DVD player and fast-forward after two seconds, and I didn't drool over my remote at "half-mast" waiting for the sex scenes only to be disappointed at their lack of any real sexuality, thus holding a grudge over a flick for it not allowing me to get off. In fact, if I had any advice to give some particularly vitriolic reviewers of this movie, or lonely people the world over--rent "Teenage Cavegirl". Seriously. That'll do it for you.
Look, obviously I don't need much to enjoy myself. A little blood, a little boobs, an explosion and a fake-ass spider. And if that's what you want, you'll probably dig "Andre the Butcher". You certainly won't get it in "Pledge Night". Sorry, I'm starting to sound like Subovon from Houston.
Guys, check this movie out. Support independent film, and if you can make a better movie, please do! We'd all love to see it. And I mean that in the most heartfelt, honest way. In fact, most of us will probably even help you make it. Because if there's anything we life-long horror fans of horror love, it's more horror movies to be life-long fans of.
And that rhymes.