Review of Breeders

They're bad movies and then there's exceptionally atrocious, brain-numbing, please God make it stop jaw-stopping spectacles of sheer mind-rotting awfulness that are so utterly abominable that they defy belief and soar off into a stratosphere of extraordinary stinkiness that's a ghastly wonder to behold. "Breeders" qualifies as one of those special kind of schlocky treats. The gloriously sordid premise centers on an ugly, scaly, oversexed humanoid reptile lizard alien (actually, it's some poor schmoe in a laughably obvious and unconvincing rubber suit) who kidnaps and rapes a lovely assortment of Big Apple virgins so it can reproduce its species for an impending invasion. Colorless cop Lance Lewman and dull doctor Teresa Farley try to stop the evil extraterrestrial menace, but since they're both incredibly insipid and can't act their way out of a soggy cardboard box one quite frankly doesn't give a s**t if they succeed or not. Boy, does this beautifully botched baby contain all the right wrong stuff to rate highly as one four-star clinker: flat, uninspired (mis)direction by the chronically inept Tim Kincaid (who also makes gay porno under the name of Joe Gage), a grating synthesizer score, pathetic make-up f/x by Ed French (in one particularly pitiful scene the viewer can clearly see that the actor playing the hormonal alien is wearing sneakers!), plodding pacing, relentlessly cheap'n'chintzy production values, dire dialogue, and staggeringly putrid acting from the entire cast. Fortunately, there's a tasty plenitude of gratuitous distaff nudity from a smoking hot bunch of luscious young women; almost every luckless lass who gets attacked is either disrobing or in the shower when they get jumped. Special credit must be given here to the beauteous brunette hottie supreme Frances Raines, who performs a lengthy Jane Fonda-style aerobic workout clad only in her birthday suit that's leeringly lingered on by the filmmakers. A truly choice chunk of deliciously dreadful celluloid cheese.