Masters of Horror: The Fair Haired Child (2006)
Season 1, Episode 9
5/10
More of a Romantic Fairy-Tale Than Horror
4 December 2006
A 15-year old girl (played by Lindsay Pulsipher) is kidnapped and imprisoned in a basement by a couple of musicians who worship some evil being, for the purpose of raising their son from the dead.

This story was decent... you have a girl who is trapped in a dungeon by a witch ("Tank Girl" Lori Petty) and warlock, with an evil demon and some nasty ravenous monster. It was like a dungeons and dragons tale in modern times or a dark fairy tale with a damsel in distress. (And fairies do play a small role, incidentally, much like they do in "Sick Girl".)

My concerns regarding the quality of this movie are with the way the story was told. First, it came across as a romance, though not a typical one... there is a definite link between the girl and a young boy named Johnny she meets in the dungeon (who is mute). Her quick attraction to him and his fondness for her seem to me a bit hard to believe, but I'll let it slide.

I also was unclear how serious the story was supposed to be taken. It could have been done in a very serious and gritty fashion (getting kidnapped and imprisoned has the potential for some morbid imagery), but the scene where her bicycle is hit by the van (shown in the preview) is rather silly, and I could not take the movie seriously after that point. I have jokingly called it "the greatest car accident in movie history".

I should have known I was in trouble when I saw the director was William Malone. The name meant nothing to me, so I went in with pretty much a bland kslate of expectations. The second time I watched this was when a friend had purchased it on impulse (without consulting me) and brought it over to another friend's house where I happened to be. On the cover of the movie, I saw "from the Director of 'Fear Dot Com'". If the nicest thing they can say about a director or the movie is a "Fear Dot Com" reference, you should know immediately you're dealing with sterile, bland and unwatchable garbage. Willaim Malone, I now know your name and I curse it.

The nicest thing I can really say about this movie, since I didn't care for the acting -- especially from Johnny -- or the story or much of anything else, is it provides some very nice shots of Lindsay Pusipher crawling through small spaces with the camera pointed from beneath her school uniform. We never really see anything, but any hot-blooded young male (and some older ones) will tell you how alluring a school uniform can be. This scene, sadly, does not make up for the rest of the film and is not very memorable in the long run. (Incidentally, how a 15-year old girl who is as attractive as Lindsay has never even been kissed and is taunted by her classmates remains a complete mystery to me.)

Upon my first viewing, I ranked this as one of the weaker films in the "Masters of Horror" series. Maybe not as bad as "Pick Me Up", but the almost complete lack of gore and total lack of nudity along with the non-scary way of telling this one made it less than stellar in presentation. After my second viewing, I found the story had even less to offer and I now think it's the worst of all. If you're going to miss only one episode, make it this one.
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