Review of Primeval

Primeval (2007)
1/10
Primeval: Step and Fetch It Goes to Africa
15 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I rarely walk out on a movie but I endured this farce of a film just to see Orland Jones' character get his just desserts.

The acting was wooded and constipated, the story line sophomoric, disjointed and filled with stereotypes and colonial caricatures of Africa, and the coverage of one of 56 countries on the continent of Africa a throwback to the days of Stanley's "Dr. Livingstone I presume." The most insulting part of the film was Orlando Jones' modern day rendition of "Step and Fetch It." From the "Oh help me Lord!" exaggerated rolling of the eyes, the asinine ignorant one-liners ("I hate Africa", paying homage to the institution of slavery to highlight his ambivalence towards Africa), to the black side kick getting killed off -- this movie reeked of Crocodile dung from start to finish.

Throw in the murderous African thugs, the attempted rape of a white woman, the wise and mysterious witch doctor, the Great White Hunter, and the African youth whose "noblesse sauvage" is put on display when he serves himself up as crocodile bait to get a ticket to America, and you have the recipe for a movie that is only missing Tarzan who comes to the rescue when all seems lost.

The best "actor" in this film was Gustave the Crocodile. My only regret is that he was not tasked to eat the writers, producers and director of this comedy of errors that insults the intelligence of even the dullest of minds.

Africa seems is getting a lot of attention from Hollywood these days, and this film shows that such attention is not necessarily a good thing.
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