Review of Mansion of the Living Dead

I had been forewarned by those who have gone before into this unhallowed ground of what to expect, but I had no idea it would go as far as it did. There wasn't an ounce of credible acting to be had throughout the entire film. Thank God it came with English subtitles or I never would have caught on to the meager plot. If you're looking for genuinely scary, suspenseful horror, look elsewhere, because it won't be found here. What you WILL find are four women walking around a hotel naked for most of their screen time, and when they're not WALKING around naked, they're...err...hmmm...ummm...doing other things that people do when they're naked--more often than not, with each other. And the term "living dead" is horribly misused here--Mr. G. A. Romero should be able to sue them for libel. What we do see are white-robed men, most of whom are in skull-face masks, who are part of some cursed demonic cult that hangs out in an old monastery that three of the four "hotties" (their word, not mine) wander into one at a time. Upon arrival, they are branded whores and gang-raped--the third one, however, is allowed to "join them" and goes back to kill the fourth. Oh, yeah, then there's the poor girl on a chain in "the best room in the hotel". But that's another subplot that doesn't need much exposition. All in all, if you're looking for some lesbian porn, you came to the right place. But horror--nope, not here.