Review of Alien 2: On Earth

This massively incoherent, dumb, cheesy and amateurish Italian early-eighties "movie-thing" rewards itself with the title "Alien 2" but there's very little, even no relation with Ridley Scott's Sci-Fi masterpiece that single-handedly altered the status of the genre. This is written and directed by Ciro Ippolito. Who, you say? That's right, even in the gigantic world of Italian rip-off cinema he's an absolute nobody, and then still "Alien 2" appears to be his best work. Poor guy… Anyway, this definitely isn't the most blatant& shameless Alien imitation we've ever seen, as Ippolito actually just stole the claustrophobic setting aspect as well as the idea that the extraterrestrial perpetrator initially requires a host-body to grow in size and appetite. The story opens with reports from a spacecraft having encountered severe 'problems' on their way back to earth. Next thing we know the ship crash-landed in the sea and the nearby area lies strew with intergalactic blue stones. Meanwhile, an 8-headed group of young amateur-speleologists descends a cave with one of them blue stones in their backpacks. Naturally, it isn't just a stone but an alien's egg, and when the critter emerges from it, it goes straight for attacking the face. Oh, and did I mention there's a cautious attempt to a sub plot about one of the lead girls being telepathically gifted and trying to communicate with the alien? Okay, the cave-setting admittedly was a nifty idea and it's much more original than other Alien wannabes like, say, "Inseminoid" and "Forbidden World". But the script is so damn stupid and the first 40-45 minutes are dreadfully boring. The gore is good and rather repulsive to behold, but there nearly isn't enough of it! The schlock-highlights include someone's head slowly getting separated from the rest of his body and, a couple of minutes later, another guy's head gets blown to pieces. That's pretty much it, apart from a few cheesy images of human faces reduced to messy bits of pulp. The ending is fairly atmospheric and tense, even though it doesn't make the slightest bit of sense like so many other parts of the film. Don't expect to receive any explications, neither, because you just get cool-sounding warnings at the end, like "You May Be Next!". Next for what? To have my face chewed off by a blue stone? The Angelis Brothers' music is surprisingly good & catchy, albeit quite overused, and there's a nice bit of totally gratuitous nudity as well. "Alien 2" is a truly bad film, but there still are far worse ways to kill 80 minutes of your precious time.