Review of Crazy Eights

Crazy Eights (2006)
2/10
Depressing
20 June 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I basically agree with the reviewers here who panned this low-budget horror flick. It showed promise at the beginning, the setting is creepy (a subset of the haunted house genre, in this case the haunted hospital) and the effects are used with some skill. That's why I'm giving it 2 stars rather than one. But just don't see it, it's awful. There really isn't much of a plot... some friends get together; they have a shared past, though it's not clear how much they remember. The movie tells us they were taken from their parents as children, the parents were paid, and the kids were basically used as lab animals in some unexplained, and apparently hideous, psychological experiments, by unknown mad scientists. Now they're lured to an abandoned house which somehow connects by a tunnel to the very facility where they were abused as children.

They appear to be imprisoned in the crumbling building, unable to get out (though they don't try very hard), and at the mercy of some person or demon who is killing them one by one. Whenever any character wanders off from the group he or she turns up dead. The purpose of the experiments that were performed on them as children, and the reason someone wants to kill them, are never revealed. This would be a spoiler if there were anything to spoil. But there isn't. What I described is all there is. You would expect that even the most low budget horror flick would at least offer some explanation of what it was all about, no matter how unbelievable. This movie offers none.

This movie is depressing. The small group of survivors is now targeted again for unknown reasons. They appear to be totally innocent. There is no subliminal satisfaction in seeing them suffer and die, no reason or justice.

I notice that in horror movies there's fun-horror and depressing-horror. Fun-horror is where you have a bunch of annoying boobs who, because of their clumsiness and cluelessness appear to be perfect victims of dark forces. The "Dead Teenager" genre exploits the fact that most people, even teenagers, find teenagers to be highly annoying and the fun is enhanced by having them die in interesting ways with interesting special effects. The people in this movie are often annoying but we can only see them as innocent people who were unjustly abused as children and are having to suffer again for no obvious reason. And how they die isn't interesting at all. Horrible, yes, but no fun.
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