Do you know what would be a smart-ass, succinct way of reviewing Eddie Murphy's new 'comedy' vehicle Meet Dave? Here it is: Don't Meet Dave. But of course, this doesn't address the myriad of idiocies that Meet Dave contains and where's the fun in not ripping a film aimed at children to shreds? Answer: there isn't any, just like the film itself.
The plot, which is as thin as a political prisoner in a North Korean jail, revolves around an Eddie Murphy shaped spaceship piloted by a crew of infinitesimal aliens (who look, sound and act just like humans- that's imagination for you)led by Eddie Murphy who land on Earth in order to drain its seas with a water-sucker-upper MacGuffin which got lost somewhere in New York three months prior to their mission. It turns out to be in the possession of Little Joey Cliché (played by newcomer Austyn Myers), raised by his mother (Elizabeth Banks) since his father died and who finds himself constantly bullied at school by perhaps the stupidest fat child ever to appear on screen. Really, bullies are not like that. People bully the fat kid. Predictably then, the rest of the movie concerns Eddie Murphy Spaceship's gradual integration into the family and kinship with Little Joey, despite persistently acting like a serial killer/rapist, and the alien crew learning that humans are actually compassionate creatures who need water to live, everybody loves everyone etcetera. Sure, there isn't much to work with but director Brian Robbins doesn't even seem to try and inject any sort of drama, tension or enthusiasm into the script. Every scene is played out as though it is a chore (it is), laborious and awkward without a single spark of excitement or innovation evident. It plays like the aborted offspring of Honey I Shrunk the Kids and Fantastic Voyage.
One thing that did make me wonder was a question that was never answered in the film. Do the tiny aliens live on a planet which is essentially a miniature earth, considering their entirely human appearance and ability to breathe freely in our atmosphere, or do they live in a normal sized world and have managed to drain the water supply of their entire planet, despite their diminutive stature? If the former is the case, how did they build that giant spaceship? Considering all the crew's talk of "the academy" and "transfers," it stands to reason that there is more than one spaceship in operation on their world. So where did they get all the resources from? Why do they have little understanding of human culture, despite speaking English, dressing like humans, experiencing the same emotions and having the same social systems in place? This is certainly what all the five year olds sitting nonplussed and probably scared will be asking in the audience and the director does a woeful job of explaining it to them, instead trying to misdirect them with hot dog diarrhoea, 'Lieutenant Buttocks' and the gay stereotype security officer. Perhaps they'll be answered in the hotly anticipated sequel, no doubt starring Cuba Gooding Jr. as the new Dave.
The director similarly doesn't answer why Eddie Murphy was actually willing to do this. His Raw and Beverley Hills Cop days are long gone, and yet he is still only 47 years old. He still has time to turn it around. But just look at his upcoming projects: a comedy about entering his daughter's imaginary world, another film with Brian Robbins, Shrek 4 and finally The Incredible Shrinking Man, a role which he has literally just played in this movie. They are merely a continuation of the ignominious roles Murphy has been playing for the past ten years, fuelling the detestation felt by the general public towards him.
In conclusion, Meet Dave isn't even worth watching on an unintentionally humorous level, as it contains no humour of any kind. It is an exercise in tedium. Taking children will make them wonder why their parents hate them, and with Shakespearean lines such as "Excuse me, my colon is compacted", it isn't hard to see why.
The plot, which is as thin as a political prisoner in a North Korean jail, revolves around an Eddie Murphy shaped spaceship piloted by a crew of infinitesimal aliens (who look, sound and act just like humans- that's imagination for you)led by Eddie Murphy who land on Earth in order to drain its seas with a water-sucker-upper MacGuffin which got lost somewhere in New York three months prior to their mission. It turns out to be in the possession of Little Joey Cliché (played by newcomer Austyn Myers), raised by his mother (Elizabeth Banks) since his father died and who finds himself constantly bullied at school by perhaps the stupidest fat child ever to appear on screen. Really, bullies are not like that. People bully the fat kid. Predictably then, the rest of the movie concerns Eddie Murphy Spaceship's gradual integration into the family and kinship with Little Joey, despite persistently acting like a serial killer/rapist, and the alien crew learning that humans are actually compassionate creatures who need water to live, everybody loves everyone etcetera. Sure, there isn't much to work with but director Brian Robbins doesn't even seem to try and inject any sort of drama, tension or enthusiasm into the script. Every scene is played out as though it is a chore (it is), laborious and awkward without a single spark of excitement or innovation evident. It plays like the aborted offspring of Honey I Shrunk the Kids and Fantastic Voyage.
One thing that did make me wonder was a question that was never answered in the film. Do the tiny aliens live on a planet which is essentially a miniature earth, considering their entirely human appearance and ability to breathe freely in our atmosphere, or do they live in a normal sized world and have managed to drain the water supply of their entire planet, despite their diminutive stature? If the former is the case, how did they build that giant spaceship? Considering all the crew's talk of "the academy" and "transfers," it stands to reason that there is more than one spaceship in operation on their world. So where did they get all the resources from? Why do they have little understanding of human culture, despite speaking English, dressing like humans, experiencing the same emotions and having the same social systems in place? This is certainly what all the five year olds sitting nonplussed and probably scared will be asking in the audience and the director does a woeful job of explaining it to them, instead trying to misdirect them with hot dog diarrhoea, 'Lieutenant Buttocks' and the gay stereotype security officer. Perhaps they'll be answered in the hotly anticipated sequel, no doubt starring Cuba Gooding Jr. as the new Dave.
The director similarly doesn't answer why Eddie Murphy was actually willing to do this. His Raw and Beverley Hills Cop days are long gone, and yet he is still only 47 years old. He still has time to turn it around. But just look at his upcoming projects: a comedy about entering his daughter's imaginary world, another film with Brian Robbins, Shrek 4 and finally The Incredible Shrinking Man, a role which he has literally just played in this movie. They are merely a continuation of the ignominious roles Murphy has been playing for the past ten years, fuelling the detestation felt by the general public towards him.
In conclusion, Meet Dave isn't even worth watching on an unintentionally humorous level, as it contains no humour of any kind. It is an exercise in tedium. Taking children will make them wonder why their parents hate them, and with Shakespearean lines such as "Excuse me, my colon is compacted", it isn't hard to see why.