I think the makers of Mansquito had too easy a road of it, as a matter of fact. So confident were they in the strength of their title that they didn't spend sufficient time on story, casting decent actors, direction, and script. Granted, these elements aren't nearly as important as a title, but they do ultimately assist in making a good movie. Although, let's face it, when you pitch a movie to the Sci-Fi Channel what do you really need other than a gimmick and a snappy title? All the filmmakers (while on break from their primary job working at Arby's) needed to do was show the studio executives the Arby sauce stained napkin where they'd scribbled "Mansquito," and the vast resources of the entertainment conglomerate that produced such masterpieces as Raptor Island and Pterodactyl were at their disposal.
Let's talk about the story of Mansquito. It's tough, but frankly, they don't pay me the big bucks just to make fun of movie titles like Mansquito, so I actually decided to watch Mansquito. (I realize I'm overusing the title, but I just love typing "Mansquito" even though my spellchecker is none too fond of it. Stupid spellchecker, thinks it's intelligenter smarter than me! Just to teach my spellchecker a lesson: Snubblefurtzinkip. Ha. Now my computer knows who's boss.) In the world of Mansquito, a nationwide virus has spread via mosquitoes. In an effort to kill off the existing mosquitoes, scientists develop a super breed of super mosquitoes in the hopes that they'll kill off the other mosquitoes. Apparently, the mad scientist lobby convinced the government not to simply buy a lot of bug repellant Off!. The maddest of the mad scientists (Jay Benedict) at one point reminds his attractive, not entirely mad female associate (Musetta Vander) that out their people are "dying," emphasizing "dying" with the most unnecessary use of air quotes any actor has ever employed.
To test the new mosquitoes to make sure they aren't lethal to humans, a lethal human in the form of a convicted, mass murderer (Matt Jordon) is brought in. For this important prisoner transport, no less than three guards take the human guinea pig in the back door without bothering to check if the prisoner has misused his standard issue prison paperclip to release his cuffs.
True to his name, the mass murderer murders masses, before being inadvertently exposed with super mosquito gasses. Man + Mosquito = Mansquito!!!!!! What follows is a transformation akin to The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum, though without any particular drama or style. Obviously Mansquito is a poor knock-off of the Fly, with the twist being the mutant is a rampaging killer rather than a generally decent scientist. But where the Fly was a grotesque, disgusting, high concept horror movie, Mansquito is a grotesque, disgusting, no-concept horror movie. The good news is the gore (which would probably give nightmares to impressionable children, in fairness) is so poorly done that it's laughable to jaded adults like me.
Honestly, I think it's a surprise that there is any story at all in Mansquito, as the point is simply to see some giant rubber monster suck the blood of overacting extras. You wouldn't need a script to get lines of dialogue like, "He's more man than mosquito now!" Nor is any clever writer required to come up with the ingenious plot twist that Mansquito wants to mate with our heroine. Let me be the first to say: Ew.
Mansquito is ideal for lovers of ineffective, goofy monster movies that take itself far more seriously than its budget allows it to be, and skippable for any other segment of the population.
Worth noting is the success of Mansquito has inspired me to develop the following screenplays in hopes of getting greenlit by the Sci-Fi Channel: Mantato A man falls into an experimental government potato patch and turns into the diabolical Mantato before being stopped by a good-looking scientist (played by Christian Slater) and a gorgeous local girl.
Bearodactyl a gentle bear is bitten by a radioactive pterodactyl and goes on a rampage before being stopped by a hunky scientist (played by Dean Cain) and a gorgeous local girl.
FemAle an attractive female falls into a vat of gamma irradiated ale and turns into the deadly FemAle before being thwarted by a handsome scientist (played by Casper Van Dien) and a beautiful local girl.
Craptor a cloned raptor falls into the septic tank of at a nuclear facility becomes the putridly extinct Craptor, running amok before being killed by a heroic scientist (played by Lorenzo Lamas) and a local beauty queen.
I'm also in the infancy of developing the following projects: Galligator, Poison Guyvy, Womantis, and Catmandude. These ideas are copyrighted by Film Is Pwn and are too stupid to be used without express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)
Let's talk about the story of Mansquito. It's tough, but frankly, they don't pay me the big bucks just to make fun of movie titles like Mansquito, so I actually decided to watch Mansquito. (I realize I'm overusing the title, but I just love typing "Mansquito" even though my spellchecker is none too fond of it. Stupid spellchecker, thinks it's intelligenter smarter than me! Just to teach my spellchecker a lesson: Snubblefurtzinkip. Ha. Now my computer knows who's boss.) In the world of Mansquito, a nationwide virus has spread via mosquitoes. In an effort to kill off the existing mosquitoes, scientists develop a super breed of super mosquitoes in the hopes that they'll kill off the other mosquitoes. Apparently, the mad scientist lobby convinced the government not to simply buy a lot of bug repellant Off!. The maddest of the mad scientists (Jay Benedict) at one point reminds his attractive, not entirely mad female associate (Musetta Vander) that out their people are "dying," emphasizing "dying" with the most unnecessary use of air quotes any actor has ever employed.
To test the new mosquitoes to make sure they aren't lethal to humans, a lethal human in the form of a convicted, mass murderer (Matt Jordon) is brought in. For this important prisoner transport, no less than three guards take the human guinea pig in the back door without bothering to check if the prisoner has misused his standard issue prison paperclip to release his cuffs.
True to his name, the mass murderer murders masses, before being inadvertently exposed with super mosquito gasses. Man + Mosquito = Mansquito!!!!!! What follows is a transformation akin to The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum, though without any particular drama or style. Obviously Mansquito is a poor knock-off of the Fly, with the twist being the mutant is a rampaging killer rather than a generally decent scientist. But where the Fly was a grotesque, disgusting, high concept horror movie, Mansquito is a grotesque, disgusting, no-concept horror movie. The good news is the gore (which would probably give nightmares to impressionable children, in fairness) is so poorly done that it's laughable to jaded adults like me.
Honestly, I think it's a surprise that there is any story at all in Mansquito, as the point is simply to see some giant rubber monster suck the blood of overacting extras. You wouldn't need a script to get lines of dialogue like, "He's more man than mosquito now!" Nor is any clever writer required to come up with the ingenious plot twist that Mansquito wants to mate with our heroine. Let me be the first to say: Ew.
Mansquito is ideal for lovers of ineffective, goofy monster movies that take itself far more seriously than its budget allows it to be, and skippable for any other segment of the population.
Worth noting is the success of Mansquito has inspired me to develop the following screenplays in hopes of getting greenlit by the Sci-Fi Channel: Mantato A man falls into an experimental government potato patch and turns into the diabolical Mantato before being stopped by a good-looking scientist (played by Christian Slater) and a gorgeous local girl.
Bearodactyl a gentle bear is bitten by a radioactive pterodactyl and goes on a rampage before being stopped by a hunky scientist (played by Dean Cain) and a gorgeous local girl.
FemAle an attractive female falls into a vat of gamma irradiated ale and turns into the deadly FemAle before being thwarted by a handsome scientist (played by Casper Van Dien) and a beautiful local girl.
Craptor a cloned raptor falls into the septic tank of at a nuclear facility becomes the putridly extinct Craptor, running amok before being killed by a heroic scientist (played by Lorenzo Lamas) and a local beauty queen.
I'm also in the infancy of developing the following projects: Galligator, Poison Guyvy, Womantis, and Catmandude. These ideas are copyrighted by Film Is Pwn and are too stupid to be used without express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)