BeastMaster (1999–2002)
4/10
"Wow", to "hmm", to "meh"
19 September 2008
I've been dipping in and out of this as a guilty pleasure. It's more guilt than pleasure though, especially the later series.

The pleasures mostly come from ogling the collection of beach bunnies (both genders) jiggling around in various states of undress. As far as I can determine, this world operates an exclusive access policy: no fuglies, no kids, no geezers. Fine with me.

Series one makes a very brave attempt to stick to the stone age - or rather, bone age - idiom, with a few fairly understandable lapses in costume and set dressing (say: what are they shaving with?). It's a fresh and interesting divergence from the usual generic "Early Olden Days" Swords and Sandals setting, which makes the later seasons all the more disappointing when they apparently just forget what sort of milieu they're supposed to be portraying, and loot the Xena props department.

There's an attempt to weave some backstory exposition into the weekly "Run, jump, rescue boy/girl hostage from the Growling Menace" plots, but the uniformly bland and un-nuanced delivery of all of the actors - including and especially the leads - robs it of any lasting appeal. Season 3 plots devolve into a tiresome grind of "Seek this / fetch that" - perhaps the writers had been playing a lot of Ultima? Whether Beastmaster holds any deep appeal for you probably largely depends on whether you buy into the hippy premise that animals are, like our friends, and so, like, totally full of ancient wisdom and stuff. Hmm. No. Nature is struggle, not co-operation. I'm not sure why being able to talk to a carnivore would make any difference to it devouring you or not. Presumably Dar sells them on the health benefits of eating leaves and bark.
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