Review of Zombie Strippers!

Strange… To be honest, I expected to find one harshly crushing review after the other around here, but it looks as if a lot of my fellow reviewers were very mild with their negative criticism and – even worse – most of them even enjoyed this stinking pile of junk. Presumably they were very drunk when they saw it, or maybe I wasn't drunk enough when I watched it. Even in my most optimistic mindset, I can't possibly bring myself to write anything positive about "Zombie Strippers!" This splatter-comedy is embarrassingly UN-funny, childish, retarded, amateurish and actually very boring. The combination of flesh-eating corpses and large-breasted porn stars stripping their clothes off is undeniably appealing to most horror fanatics, but it all becomes dull and repetitive very fast. Writer/director Jay Lee thinks he's very wit and funny, especially regarding his observations of nowadays politics and social situations, but the quality of his jokes and satiric remarks are even lower than those of Pauly Shore. The film already opens painfully, with a news bulletin announcing that George W. Bush just got re-elected for a fourth presidential term and, since he declared war to about half of the world, America is running out of soldiers. Therefore, military scientists developed a serum to resurrect dead tissue and thus create the perfect indestructible warriors. Naturally the experiments run out of hand and a special army squad – dumb but potent – are sent in to exterminate the test species. One infected soldier escapes and finds shelter in a sleazy and illegal strip joint nearby. He promptly attacks the prime stripper girl (Jenna Jameson), but the professional bimbo rises again and continues her dance duties, though not without occasionally devouring a horny customer or a fellow strip girl. Call me old-fashioned or - if you must - a sourpuss, but I sincerely think slapstick comedy and violent zombie action are two cinematic themes you shouldn't even begin to mix. The granddaddy of zombie movies, George A. Romero, always managed to process subtle yet biting social satire into his classic gore movies, but at least he never undermined the level of suspense or the overall grim atmosphere by doing so. Since "Shaun of the Dead", everybody seems to think they're capable of making a horror comedy but all these untalented filmmakers don't realize that zombies – as in people coming back from the dead to hunt the flesh of the living – are actually no laughing matter. Jay Lee desperately tries to be hilarious, with his absurd stripper audience stereotypes & competitive and hostile interactions between the girls mutually, but everything fails miserably. The production can't even distinguish itself from the rest through its special effects, as the computer-generated gore and make-up gimmicks are very average and clichéd. Remarkable, however, is that the girls' breasts remain intact whilst the rest of their bodies decompose, so I guess these silicone implants are zombie-resistant. Good to know! Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund appeared in a lot of junk recently ("Hatchet", "Heartstopper", "Black Swarm", …) just to claim his pay check, but this is a new low even for him. The rest of the cast was unknown to me, except of course Miss Jenna Jameson. But if you're interested to see her unnaturally large boobs constantly falling out of tops and into a man's hands, there are about five hundred other movies and websites to check out instead.