Review of Airport

Airport (1970)
3/10
Everything you could want in an airplane spoof.
13 November 2008
Warning: Spoilers
We can't call this "the grandfather of all airplane movies" because that honor belongs to "The High and the Mighty," released around 1954. But this one is obviously the source of all the sequels, television series, and spoofs that followed its release. Maybe "The High and the Mighty" was the most original and interesting, but the movement took sixteen years to get off the ground. Maybe because the genre was so pregnant with possibilities.

A good many established performers appear in small roles as their careers continued their gentle glide downhill. Loyd Nolan appears as a custom's officer, for instance. His sister's name is "Judy Barton." That was the real name of Kim Novak's character in "Vertigo." Can't imagine how that happened unless one of the writers thought some of the mojo might rub off. Let's see. The married pilot (Dean Martin) has been having an affair with his flight attendant (Jacqueline Bissett), as any normal pilot would, but she is now pregnant and, boy, is he in a pickle. Burt Lancaster is the airport manager at odds with his social-climbing wife and he's having an affair with his secretary, Jean Seberg, who is thinking of taking a job elsewhere because she can't see where her relationship with Burt Lancaster is headed because, though he's married too, just like Dean Martin, his real love is aviation and he refuses "to commit". (That means he won't divorce his wife and marry Seberg.) And then there's Van Heflin, the mad bomber of Global Circumlobotomy Airlines, who wants to blow himself and the airplane up because he and his wife are impoverished and need the insurance money. There are a couple of nuns on the plane too, and a priest who asks earnestly, "Anything I can do to help?" Now, there's usually a sick kid aboard, too, who needs a kidney transplant or an emergency vasectomy, but if such a kid were a passenger here I missed her. There were a few periods of microsleep.

And -- I -- I can't go on. The suspense, the tragedy, the soap bubbles are overwhelming. My eyes are filled with tears, mostly because I managed to get soap in them. I can't even see what I'm typing any longer. And I can't hear either -- that sudden decompression, I suppose. (Sob.) Is this -- is this coming out right? Give it to me straight. I can take it.
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