2/10
Every bit as rotten as THE CASTLE OF FU MANCHU
10 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Christopher Lee made several Fu Manchu films in the 1960s and I've seen them in no particular order. In my review after having seen THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU, I wrote that I'd seen the absolute worst FU MANCHU film ever made. Well, perhaps I spoke too soon, as this terrible movie is every bit as craptastic. Both films manage to take a somewhat interesting character (FU Manchu) and make him about as interesting as an avocado (a mushy one at that). Christopher Lee has all the charisma and charm of a block of wood, as he says and does practically nothing! Despite being an excellent horror actor, here dressed as a Chinese man (a very tall and Caucasian looking one), he appears as if no one has written him any dialog and he occupies very little screen time. When he does appear, he just stands there expressionless--like a somewhat Chinese version of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.

Now if this were all, perhaps the film would still be worth watching. Don't assume this, please, as the rest of the film is even worse. Rarely have I seen a plot so hopelessly convoluted, contradictory and nonsensical. Here are some of the many problems:

--Although the film is supposed to be set in Brazil, it switches between there and "nearby" Southern Mexico. Did anyone involved with the film look at a map? The two locations, however, are probably at least 3000 miles apart--yet they can walk to or take a horse to the other place in what seems like a few hours tops!

--Fu Manchu has put poison in 10 ladies' system so when they kiss a man, he dies almost instantly. You see this happen at the beginning and end of the film. However, when Nayland Smith is kissed full on the lips by one of these hypnotized killers, he goes blind only (because he's the hero in these god-awful flicks). And, this is later cured in a way that is sure to make you laugh.

--When one guy dies from poison and falls down a waterfall, when he's bobbing around in the water, you can see him blinking his eyes.

--When the ladies go on assignments to kill, they travel around the globe and are accompanied by Manchu's henchmen--making it a pretty complicated affair. Why not just have the henchmen shoot the intended victims in the face?! It's much easier and more cost-effective. Even a cinder block dropped on their heads or electric lamp tossed into their tub would be easier and make more sense.

--How do they make a comic book-like film and yet have almost no energy expended whatsoever? The fights are in slow-motion, there is no suspense and it all just limps along--making it a very boring movie.

--Why do Manchu's henchmen NEVER make a sound when they are attacked by surprise? In one scene, the German dude does this again and again to pick off the baddies and not once do the dummkopfs call out for help!!

--How does a small tussle at the end of the film result in Manchu's complex exploding? It just looks like they ran out of film and decided to stage a very, very small pyrotechnic explosion and say "hurray, we won!" and end it.

--How does Manchu get so many willing henchmen? He never treats them well, disposes of them right and left and brings them halfway around the globe to the South American jungle...and WHY the South American jungle?!

--Why were there so many naked women in this film? Again and again, there seemed to be little reason to rip off ladies' blouses other than to give the audience a cheap thrill. And, if you are going to make a nudie film, why not get attractive women?!

The confusing aspects of the film abound--with many, many more examples. Frankly, this film appears to have been written by lemurs. I can't decide which of the two final Christopher Lee films about Fu Manchu is worse and frankly, you'd have to pay me a lot to see them again so that I could definitively decide.

These films suck and aren't even fun to watch. If the film makers didn't care enough to work out the plot or produce a watchable film, why should people both as well?
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