Madame Sin (1972)
9/10
How To Steal A Starfish
11 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
'Madame Sin' was a late addition to the cycle of James Bond rip-offs that began in the '60's. It was the creation of American writer Lou Morheim and Barry Shear, the latter responsible for directing several 'Man From U.N.C.L.E.' episodes. The script though was by Barry Oringer and David Greene, who also directed the stylish spy romp 'Sebastian' with Dirk Bogarde.

Robert Wagner is cast as 'Anthony Lawrence', an ex-C.I.A. agent down on his luck. He is approached in a London park by Malcolm De Vere ( Denholm Elliott ) who offers him a job. No sooner has he turned it down than two nuns appear, ostensibly collecting charity money, one of whom zaps him with a dandy sonic device. Lawrence is driven off in a fake ambulance to a rendezvous with a helicopter. When he wakes up, he is on the private island of the mysterious super-villain Madame Sin ( Bette Davis ).

The Madame has an underground laboratory in which scientists have perfected a means of mind control. She intends, with Lawrence's help, to abduct the commander of H.M.S. Starfish, Britain's newest nuclear submarine. To act as bait, one of Lawrence's old girlfriends Barbara ( Catherine Schell ) is around...

Stylish romp, camp and fun. I suspect it was Anne Robinson's favourite movie once as the Madame seems to be the inspiration for her 'Weakest Link' persona. Bette Davis goes through it all puffing cigars, wearing blue eyeshadow and what appears to be one of Ena Sharples' old hairnets. The script alas does not give her any memorable lines, hence she never once exudes the menace required for the role. She was far more sinister in 'The Anniversary' in 1969.

Wagner plays 'Lawrence' in much the same key as 'Al Mundy', his character in 'It Takes A Thief'. Denholm Elliott steals the show, and Gordon Jackson and Dudley Sutton also light up the screen. Gabriella Licudi ( 'The Liquidator', 'Casino Royale' ) is one of the evil nuns.

Enjoyable though this is, one wishes it had been made for the cinema on a bigger budget. It cries out for explosive set pieces but does not get them. Brian Eatwell's sets dazzle though, and it concludes with an original twist on the normal 'Bond' style endings.

It was intended as a back-door pilot for a series that was never made. Pity. I would have liked seeing Madame Sin going after the Russian Crown Jewels.
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