A captivating opening credit sequence with blasting Metallica and blasting gore deteriorates into the worst zombie movie ever made. I pity the poor editors who had to watch their beautiful introduction followed by 90 minutes of swill, but I feel more pity for myself for having paid a fat $2 to see the movie. Twitchy Jessie Eisenberg (now inexplicably cast in everything, always playing the same nebbish, virginal dweeb) provides an even more twitchy voice-over that makes the combination of Eisenberg's pompous pre-Raphaelite face and boring, self-deprecating personality an unbearable combination. The female characters are twice as malignant as any zombies wasted on screen. I literally prayed for the 12 year old girl to be killed and eaten within the first 15 minutes, securing her repugnant presence a place right up there with Short Round from "Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom". Woody Harrelson's hillbilly zombie-killer is an exhalation of straight bottom-burp, with his podunk antics lifted straight out of some cartoon. Meanwhile, the surprise cameo in the movie earns some laughs, but--much like the Metallica in the credits--neither element redeems this wretched flick. The extensive CG gore made me feel even more alienated from the lurching masses of cheering, morbidly obese geeks in black jean shorts attending.
Review of Zombieland
