Whoa...what is THIS?!!? As the film starts, you'll immediately notice that this film was made by some knuckleheads using a VHS camera, stock footage, amateur actors (other than Bruce Glover) and simple freeware editing software circa 1998. Seen only 12 years later, the entire production just looks like crap--really, really bad crap. Really, really CHEAP bad crap. In fact, most local TV commercials have MUCH better production values! And, for that matter, many of the videos posted on YouTube as well--seriously! A few semi-talented teenagers with their grandparents' Betamax camera could do at least as professional a job--probably better. Fake mustaches that look like they came from a joke shop, silly digital effects and bad music all conspire to make all this tough to watch.
The film begins with some cheap prologue about Dracula and the like. I really don't remember it all--I was just so in shock from the crappy look of the film that I tended to focus too much on that instead of the plot. In fact, much of the time, I was just laughing. Having Gary Coleman play Dracula couldn't have made me laugh more! The film then jumps to the present day and some teenage girl dies but then miraculously comes to life. Her first impulse--head to Europe and the land of vampires. We are then treated to someone's vacation videos of Prague some other city. It really looks a lot like a lost episode of Rick Steves' "Travels in Europe" instead of a movie--especially since there isn't much plot here--just lots of footage of a guy doing some sightseeing. Actually, I'd like to know more about where this was filmed--it looks nice--and a lot more interesting than the film.
Finally, a vampire arrives who looks a lot like a living pile of blue cheese morphed with Black Spy from "Mad Magazine" and I assume something cool will happen. Unfortunately, the scene then abruptly switches to some yahoos sitting around trying out various attempted accents that have nothing to do with each other. Some sound American, some sound vaguely European and many just sound like idiots. Fortunately, before they get too annoying, the scene abruptly goes back to the vampire...and then back to the idiots with the fake accents! The way the film jumps back and forth is confusing AND is done in place of real special effects! Sadly, Bruce Glover soon arrives on the scene. You may not recognize him, but he's Crispin Glover's dad and a real honest-to-goodness actor. You may recognize him as one of the gay assassins from "Diamonds Are Forever" or a thug from "Chinatown" or from any one of over 100 screen credits. How he got to this sad point in his life that he'd appear in THIS is anyone's guess, but I sure felt sorry for him. He plays Dr. Van Helsing....poor guy.
Van Helsing then meets a vampire who overacts WORSE than any vampire in film history. He makes George Hamilton from "Love At First Bite" look downright subtle. He and Van Helsing trade bad puns for a bit...and none of it is interesting.
A bit later, it looks like the film has turned into a sex video--with saxaphone music and all the trappings of a home made sex film...except for the nudity! This is all interrupted by another blue cheese/Black Spy vampire who then flies off in a way LESS convincing than Terry Gilliam's old animations for "Monty Python's Flying Circus".
This then switches to a set that looks like it was used by a 1960s horror movie host--complete with public domain music (Beethoven) and painted stone walls. And then,...oh heck...I'm not gotta describe any more--it's just so stupid and tedious I'll wrap things up now.
The bottom line is that there is NOTHING--not one solitary thing going for this so-called movie. It is every bit as bad as the worst films ever made--and ranks up there with "Manos Hands of Fate", "The Beast of Yucca Flats" and "The Aztec Mummy Versus the Human Robot" in quality.
The film begins with some cheap prologue about Dracula and the like. I really don't remember it all--I was just so in shock from the crappy look of the film that I tended to focus too much on that instead of the plot. In fact, much of the time, I was just laughing. Having Gary Coleman play Dracula couldn't have made me laugh more! The film then jumps to the present day and some teenage girl dies but then miraculously comes to life. Her first impulse--head to Europe and the land of vampires. We are then treated to someone's vacation videos of Prague some other city. It really looks a lot like a lost episode of Rick Steves' "Travels in Europe" instead of a movie--especially since there isn't much plot here--just lots of footage of a guy doing some sightseeing. Actually, I'd like to know more about where this was filmed--it looks nice--and a lot more interesting than the film.
Finally, a vampire arrives who looks a lot like a living pile of blue cheese morphed with Black Spy from "Mad Magazine" and I assume something cool will happen. Unfortunately, the scene then abruptly switches to some yahoos sitting around trying out various attempted accents that have nothing to do with each other. Some sound American, some sound vaguely European and many just sound like idiots. Fortunately, before they get too annoying, the scene abruptly goes back to the vampire...and then back to the idiots with the fake accents! The way the film jumps back and forth is confusing AND is done in place of real special effects! Sadly, Bruce Glover soon arrives on the scene. You may not recognize him, but he's Crispin Glover's dad and a real honest-to-goodness actor. You may recognize him as one of the gay assassins from "Diamonds Are Forever" or a thug from "Chinatown" or from any one of over 100 screen credits. How he got to this sad point in his life that he'd appear in THIS is anyone's guess, but I sure felt sorry for him. He plays Dr. Van Helsing....poor guy.
Van Helsing then meets a vampire who overacts WORSE than any vampire in film history. He makes George Hamilton from "Love At First Bite" look downright subtle. He and Van Helsing trade bad puns for a bit...and none of it is interesting.
A bit later, it looks like the film has turned into a sex video--with saxaphone music and all the trappings of a home made sex film...except for the nudity! This is all interrupted by another blue cheese/Black Spy vampire who then flies off in a way LESS convincing than Terry Gilliam's old animations for "Monty Python's Flying Circus".
This then switches to a set that looks like it was used by a 1960s horror movie host--complete with public domain music (Beethoven) and painted stone walls. And then,...oh heck...I'm not gotta describe any more--it's just so stupid and tedious I'll wrap things up now.
The bottom line is that there is NOTHING--not one solitary thing going for this so-called movie. It is every bit as bad as the worst films ever made--and ranks up there with "Manos Hands of Fate", "The Beast of Yucca Flats" and "The Aztec Mummy Versus the Human Robot" in quality.