As usual, this SyFy time-waster opens with poor CGI effects. You can't appreciate the quality of "lame" unless you see it (which I don't recommend). This is soon followed by a terrible fake death scene.
And, as usual, we move onto a festive party scene, setting the stage for a terrible monster to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting happy-go-lucky resort town.
All throughout the movie, the dialogue is contrived and forced. Other than our man Trace (you may recognize him as "Milo" from 24), these actors deliver their lines very, very badly. And those lines are written very, very poorly. For instance, we have our little team gathered in a bar, huddled around a small table.
"Anybody want another drink?" the bartender asks... when the bottle is clearly sitting right there in the center of the table. As if they couldn't reach in 10 inches to fetch it for themselves. Stupid.
Oh, and whenever DinoShark is around, you hear the ominous rip-off of the JAWS theme. If this is supposed to be a tribute film, someone should be sued.
Rita getting into the water all alone with tritones playing in the background. Hello completely useless snippet of movie. Oh wait, that's supposed to establish the fact that the shark is a killer? Oh wait, that's supposed to lure search and rescue to the scene of the bloody water? But of course! DinoShark (who can roar mind you... those dino vocal cords) wanted another meal.
And don't forget those sensitive moments: "It's the first time I tasted food made with love." - Trace. That's a line? Seriously? Somebody wrote that... and then someone else actually approved it? Good grief.
Another useless scene with the chick from Aspen and the dude trying to get it on with her. Oh, and the excellent touch with the fake blood splattering on the lens. Wow. How artistic. Apparently it's been established that DinoShark has a taste for human blood. Although, I'm not too sure... maybe I require a refresher. Maybe DinoShark will kill again, and then (only then) will I be sure. The suspense they mount in this movie is to die for (pun intended, ha ha).
I did not have to wait long. After the impounding of Trace's boat, we do indeed have another useless scene to prove DinoShark's fiery bloodlust. As if we don't even know it's coming.
Now how to kill it? The guy will try to get some explosives from his "friends at the army base". Okay. That happens all the time.
If a shark can eat a whole boat, don't you think it can plow through a chain link fence? And we've already seen it flop out of the water; obviously it can jump. But a tiny fence with a barely floating bridge over it will surely stop DinoShark! Oh, and it eats crocodiles too. Another useless snippet of film. Thank you.
"Fantastic day of fun at the marina" = DinoShark attack.
Things you'd never say when discovering a severed head floating near a kayak: "Well, at least they got their wildlife adventure." Who wrote this rubbish? So eventually they catch up with DinoShark after it eats the parasailor (like nobody saw that coming), and Trace tosses a grenade at its eye orbit despite the fact that he could've thrown it right down the shark's throat. That would've exploded the shark from the inside and surely caused it death, but what do I know? And the fake black blood is a lovely touch.
As we all know, 'tis only a flesh wound, and DinoShark attacks again! "Welcome to the endangered species list..." our sweet science teacher says. But technically, since there's only one, it already qualifies for the endangered species list. She is now, effectively rendering it on the 'extinct list'. But who am I to nit-pick? Overall, this movie is HORRIBLE. It is completely predictable, boring, full of flat actors delivering poorly written lines and filled with choppy scenes that don't make much sense. If you have any kind of intellect, this movie is not for you. It's dull in every regard, not even so-bad-it's-good. It's not cheesy, drole, or fun in any way. You find yourself wondering why you're even watching it. I only did so I could write this review. This is a terrible flick, and it now ranks up there with my top 10 worst movies ever. It's a complete waste of time; save yourself.
And, as usual, we move onto a festive party scene, setting the stage for a terrible monster to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting happy-go-lucky resort town.
All throughout the movie, the dialogue is contrived and forced. Other than our man Trace (you may recognize him as "Milo" from 24), these actors deliver their lines very, very badly. And those lines are written very, very poorly. For instance, we have our little team gathered in a bar, huddled around a small table.
"Anybody want another drink?" the bartender asks... when the bottle is clearly sitting right there in the center of the table. As if they couldn't reach in 10 inches to fetch it for themselves. Stupid.
Oh, and whenever DinoShark is around, you hear the ominous rip-off of the JAWS theme. If this is supposed to be a tribute film, someone should be sued.
Rita getting into the water all alone with tritones playing in the background. Hello completely useless snippet of movie. Oh wait, that's supposed to establish the fact that the shark is a killer? Oh wait, that's supposed to lure search and rescue to the scene of the bloody water? But of course! DinoShark (who can roar mind you... those dino vocal cords) wanted another meal.
And don't forget those sensitive moments: "It's the first time I tasted food made with love." - Trace. That's a line? Seriously? Somebody wrote that... and then someone else actually approved it? Good grief.
Another useless scene with the chick from Aspen and the dude trying to get it on with her. Oh, and the excellent touch with the fake blood splattering on the lens. Wow. How artistic. Apparently it's been established that DinoShark has a taste for human blood. Although, I'm not too sure... maybe I require a refresher. Maybe DinoShark will kill again, and then (only then) will I be sure. The suspense they mount in this movie is to die for (pun intended, ha ha).
I did not have to wait long. After the impounding of Trace's boat, we do indeed have another useless scene to prove DinoShark's fiery bloodlust. As if we don't even know it's coming.
Now how to kill it? The guy will try to get some explosives from his "friends at the army base". Okay. That happens all the time.
If a shark can eat a whole boat, don't you think it can plow through a chain link fence? And we've already seen it flop out of the water; obviously it can jump. But a tiny fence with a barely floating bridge over it will surely stop DinoShark! Oh, and it eats crocodiles too. Another useless snippet of film. Thank you.
"Fantastic day of fun at the marina" = DinoShark attack.
Things you'd never say when discovering a severed head floating near a kayak: "Well, at least they got their wildlife adventure." Who wrote this rubbish? So eventually they catch up with DinoShark after it eats the parasailor (like nobody saw that coming), and Trace tosses a grenade at its eye orbit despite the fact that he could've thrown it right down the shark's throat. That would've exploded the shark from the inside and surely caused it death, but what do I know? And the fake black blood is a lovely touch.
As we all know, 'tis only a flesh wound, and DinoShark attacks again! "Welcome to the endangered species list..." our sweet science teacher says. But technically, since there's only one, it already qualifies for the endangered species list. She is now, effectively rendering it on the 'extinct list'. But who am I to nit-pick? Overall, this movie is HORRIBLE. It is completely predictable, boring, full of flat actors delivering poorly written lines and filled with choppy scenes that don't make much sense. If you have any kind of intellect, this movie is not for you. It's dull in every regard, not even so-bad-it's-good. It's not cheesy, drole, or fun in any way. You find yourself wondering why you're even watching it. I only did so I could write this review. This is a terrible flick, and it now ranks up there with my top 10 worst movies ever. It's a complete waste of time; save yourself.