Review of Riverworld

Riverworld (2010 TV Movie)
1/10
Jeananne Goossen cute. Film sucks.
24 March 2010
Warning: Spoilers
(spoilers below)

When there is low cash for filming, and some dominant percent of movie crew has not power to stir up all around to "make it cool, with all whistles, blackjack and..." Well, we are getting standard low-budget film, and even book source with (maybe) entire world and universe will not save the situation. So we have a situation here: film looks like that trash movies, which come out just before blockbuster (Transormers - TransMOrfers), or some dilettantish stage adaptation. Bad special effect, bad fighting (OK OK, Jeananne Goossen was cute, but choreographer sucks), bad acting, bad film editing. And those dialogs, my god, it's like:

-Why? -Because perpendicular

  • Who dda hell are you? flash-light - Where is she? flash-flash - ??? flash-flash-flash (director turning to scenarist "-you see, and you was afraid of those dialogs! Thats idea was brilliant!" )


-And what was then? omg, we have not budget for flash-light anymore, get that steamer here!

Instead of mouse cursor weird blue gamers using person named Jessy, just put it on desk and say to hero - "she is there, go find her, little imp". After hero finds her - repeat. After 2 series of repeating they out of budget (damn flash-lights), so sad.

Some aliens who tired to play simcity and warcraft decided create other game. Doing some calculations they find out that Matrix (TM) is too complex for their processing clusters, so, here is plan B: just do it "in vivo". Put all dying peoples on big planet with damn big river (but no children, old folk and kittens). Then number of subscribers became too much, so they have to blow up Earth, and transfered all people in Riverworld. And also, providing some cloning device - when your pet dying, you can raise him(her) from the dead just for 5000 bukazoids. See all other stuff in user manual and EULA. Well, we are trying to ban all cheaters, but it's hard.

Slavery in the world with documentary confirmed infinite coming back to live after death - it's like players will afraid to play Doom III cause there your character could die.
8 out of 25 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed