Review of Riverworld

Riverworld (2003 TV Movie)
5/10
Not a memorable final film for Kevin Tod Smith
19 April 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This film took serious liberties with the Riverworld series of books written by Phillip Jose Farmer.

However, unlike the 2010 version starring "Dollhouse" star Tahmoh Penikett, the basic structure of the Riverworld is basically intact. I find just now, that this first Riverworld film was actually the Pilot for a TV series on Sifi/Syfy which was never aired.

The centerpiece of the original Riverworld book, "To your Scattered Bodies Go" - Has Sir Francis Bacon waking on the Riverworld and glimpsing the mysterious "Waystation" which might hold the answers to what the Riverworld is and who made it - But he dies and resurrects before he can get to it. In his wanderings and attempts to get back to the Waystation he hooks up with Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens who is searching for his beloved Livvie, and a huge English-Speaking Neanderthal man. They begin a huge "Riverboat" project with several other historical figures including the notorious King John and Hermann Goering, who turn out to be a skags of epic proportions and steal the original Riverboat. In the following volume "The Fabulous Riverboat" - Twain has found his Livvie who is living with Cyrano de Bergerac, and the Politics of the Riverworld is explored as several cultures clash and the Riverworld inhabitants begin an industrial complex.

Part of this survives in this Made-for-TV Pilot, but the addition of other extraneous characters, like Nero and other Romans, and an Alien who apparently died on Earth right before it was destroyed - Add confusion to the general storyline - Perhaps if this would have run as a Series, some of these inconsistencies would have been explained, but as a one-shot it strays from the general story.

As it stands, this film tries to work in elements from three Riverworld novels and falls short due to time constraints.

As with most novels re-written for screen, the writers try to "modernise" the story by adding a contemporary "introduction" - things that never happened in the book - Involving characters who were not part of the original story - An astronaut "Jeff Hale" played by Brad Johnson is flying a Space shuttle which is destroyed by Meteors and crashes. The next thing Johnson knows is that he is on a beach naked with other people and there is a huge blue-light-emitting "Grail" there which is doling out food and clothes. There is actually a Neanderthal on the beach, but it is not the same Neanderthal from the book, this one grunts and squeals and tried to steal someone else's food, and "Nero" (Jonathan CAKE) kills him, much to Johnson's distaste, thus setting up the major conflict of *this* version of Riverworld.

The Ressurectees are rounded up by "Valdemar" (Kevin Tod Smith - "Ares" from Xena: Warrior Princess) and locked up, to be used in entertainment-fights and as slaves. But Nero/CAKE kills Valdemar and takes over the Bad Guy camp, making it worse. Johnson escapes and hooks up with Clemens who is building his Riverboat with his Alien Pal, when Cake attacks the good guy camp with his Resurrected Roman Legion, but Johnson kicks his arse and kills him by slicing him up withy a sword, but it looks like CakeNero got resurrected.

The most disappointing part of this for me was when "Valdemar" is killed unceremoniously with great humiliation by Nero/Cake. I just thought it Ironic for the great "Ares" from Xena Warrior Princes to be killed off by a guy named "Cake" But the main idea of Riverworld, that they build a Riverboat so they can search for answers, is intact. The Renegade "Elemental" is shown a few times, helping Johnson out- In the book, the Elemental visits Sir Francis Bacon.

Horrible CG Riverboat at the end, but it shows a high-shot of the boat on the Riverworld River, and he high unclimbable walls that enclose the river - This image, at least, survived into this version.
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